Tags:
Journalism of Courage
A beginner8217;s guide to Facebook
Poke: A gesture to indicate that someone is interested in conversing with you. You can respond by poking back or leaving a message in their inbox
Super Poke: An application that enables you to execute different actions, from throwing sheep expression of displeasure, giving a beer, drop kicking to hugging, kissing and even groping
Wall: The Facebook equivalent of Orkut8217;s scrapbook. You can write your messages on the Wall, which are visible to friends of the user you have addressed. People who are not friends of your friend cannot read the writing on the wall
Virtual Bookshelf: Another application that allows you to list the books you8217;ve read, the ones you want to read and the ones you are currently reading. You can also write reviews, share comments and thanks to a tie-up with amazon.com, you can even purchase online
Fluff Friend: Your virtual pet on Facebook. If you pet other user8217;s animals or feed them, you gain virtual currency to feed yours and keep it alive
SHAILAJA BAJPAI
What do you say to a woman who is single, clever, witty, with not unpleasant looks, a body still firm but pliant, 50 years of age and seeking company 8212;at no extra cost? 8220;Facebook,8217;8217; replied Amrita, the newspaper8217;s practical taskmaster, 8220;try Facebook.8217;8217; Well, of course, I had heard of it8212;it8217;s that thing young people do whenever you ask them to do something else, like make their beds. So what would I, a single woman, clever, witty with you-know-what, do there? 8220;You may discover old friends there,8217;8217; Amrita replied, 8220;Besides, you can write about it for us.8217;8217; Didn8217;t I say practical taskmaster?
I consulted Alex. He grunted something unintelligible and turned away. That meant do what you like, don8217;t bother me. I summoned help: my 18 carrying on 19 year old niece. She knows the difference between a Facebook and a facepack; more importantly, she knows that I don8217;t. Know the difference. Between the Internet and a network, between Youtube and my tubewell. She also knows that when people say they visited Orkut, I think they8217;ve recently been to Turkey.
8220;But Bua, why do you want to be on it?8217;8217; Because I am sick of watching TV? Because I need someone to communicate with other than Alex? Because I want to find out what you8217;re doing there read: meeting boys??nbsp; 8220;I have to write about it,8221; I admit.
Don8217;t ask me what she did but within minutes I had a Facebook profile and a question mark where my face should have been. I was beginning to feel nervous.
What next? 8220; Name some friends,8221; she commanded. That8217;s easy. I am famous for being friendly. I began counting to a hundred and she typed each one into Search. 8220;I8217;ve got nothing for you8221;, came Facebook8217;s Scrooge-like reply. Nor do I, Inbsp;put out my tongue. One advantage of the Net? It can8217;t see you!. Fifteen names, same result. Niece was irritated, I dispirited. 8220;Nobody loves me.8221; I bawled. 8220;Bua, behave,8217;8217; she reproached me in a complete reversal of roles, 8220;Let8217;s try one more time.8221;
8220;Sanghamitra Singh.8217;8217; Hey, a hit. I stared at the photograph that popped up where my question mark was. She wore a pink, short-sleeved T-shirt, pink lipstick and had long hair that glided off her shoulders like it was a ski slope. Well, that could have been my very old friend Sanghamitra but for the face. It was about 30 years too young sorry friend, but at least I haven8217;t revealed your age.
8220;Next,8217;8217; giggled my niece.nbsp; I thought of my near ones far away. Australia? 8220;Alka Dave,8217;8217; I called out. Three images sprung up and so did hope in me. The third image was of a red and blue baseball cap: 2007 Coventry Wiffle Ball Phillies, it read. Inviting, but not my Alka. The second had two eyes and a hand sketched from Kenya. The third was a lady dressed in pink with longish hair a Facebook look code?. She was Paris Hilton slim. Last seen in 2004, Alka was an adorably rolly-polly doll you wanted to hug. Reject.
I went to bed with a headache.
In office, crestfallen, I said, 8220;No luck, no friends, no Facebook for me.8217;8217; Amrita enlisted Anushree8217;s help. This slip of a girl forgive me, Anushree, a trainee of three months, took over my life on the Net. Back on Facebook, she asked me a series of Profile questions: Sex? I was tempted to reply 8220;sexless8217;8217; but that might have raised queries I wasn8217;t prepared to answer on this, what8217;s it called, network, blog which honestly sounds like it belongs in the lavatory, website? who came up with these names any way?nbsp;8220;Interested in?8217;8217; Anushree asked. Seeing the glint in my eye, she added hastily, 8220;men or women.8217;8217; 8220;Women,8217;8217; I replied promptly. 8220;Men,8217;8217; she typed in with unnecessary firmness. We went the whole hog as opposed to blog?: favousrite music, books, movies, TV shows, quotations, activities. Describe yourself. Or some such. Simple and alliterative: 8220;Fabulous at fifty8217;8217;. Everyone laughed when I told them, but I wasn8217;t sure I liked that.nbsp;
Confession: I joined Facebook to check out my 9th grade crush8217;s photo album. What I found were the pictures of his latest girlfriend. Pity, there was no SuperPoke back then, so I couldn8217;t karate chop him that8217;s how bloody things can get here. Never mind.
What matters is that Facebook is possibly the most popular social networking site in the world eat your heart out Orkut. Two years ago, they opened it up to include the world outside USA and UK. And there are reasons galore to thank its creator, Mark Zuckerberg.
For one, Facebook is my lifeline to the world outside office. I8217;m 23, Beatles worshipper and an Internet junkie. I am online all the time, well almost. I don8217;t have a social life and I don8217;t want one. What I want is to meet people who love Joni Mitchell and Led Zeppelin, who can cross wits me over the comparative merits of Swami and Friends and The English Teacher and who can leave me alone when I want. Of my 60 Facebook friends, I met half online through message boards and other interest groups. The number increases every week. Like Knut. This Swedish product marketing specialist has earned a bit of fame in Orkut and Facebook by opening several music and movie appreciation groups. We got talking about Mitchell8217;s jazz forays and have gone on to share the music we love.
So I8217;ve loaded my life onto the site. There are photographs of my dog, my roomies and the blast we had last week on Pallavi8217;s birthday at the All American Diner and later at home. Exhibitionist? Yes. But it also means putting bits of your life trivial, profound and ridiculous out into a world of friends8212;without letting them get too close. I meet a lot of people thanks to my job but I find it difficult to keep in touch over coffee or lunch. Apart from the fact that I am usually broke, I don8217;t really have the time. But I8217;m always writing on their walls, hugging them, letting them know I8217;m alive and kicking8230;them.
The photo uploads and news feeds a continual chronicle of the minutiae of our Facebook existences also ensures we are always clued in on what8217;s happening in each other8217;s 8216;real8217; lives. Sample: Pujashree and I got 8220;married8221; because we figured there are no good, single, heterosexual men around; all our female friends sent us congratulatory messages. The other day, Priyanka, my friend in Singapore, changed her relationship status to single. I hugged her through Superpoke and sent her a thong she could wear to woo the new man in case she had one. Then, I sat down and wrote her a long e-mail.
We also pet each other8217;s Fluff animals. My virtual turtle Joni is already popular. Every time you pet a friend8217;s virtual pet on Facebook, you get 8220;munny8221; to buy food and accessories for your pet. It never fails to fascinate me that even in the virtual world, you8217;ve always got to scratch somebody8217;s back to stay alive.
The biggest advantage8212;people are easy to get along with over the web. Pujashree and I had a huge fight on Tuesday. She kept arguing that Revolver is a better Beatles album than Rubber Soul. I agreed but I didn8217;t want to admit it so I threw a sheep at her. She retaliated with a karate chop. Simple and fester-free.
My virtual world is free of the insecurities that I deal with in real life. I have an incurable foot-in-the-mouth syndrome. You can8217;t delete what you utter aloud in real life but here my life is safer. It8217;s a make-believe world where I can be me without hassles8212;and then someone else tomorrow. Some people might argue that Facebook is a sham, that is does not contain the essence of a real relationship. Pray tell me, what exactly is the 8220;essence8221; of a 8220;real8221; relationship and what is the way to ensure that every association in our life contains it? For those of you who have the answer, stay off social networking sites. You are richer than most.
For lesser mortals like me, there is Facebook. And if you8217;re into retro-rock, you may poke me.
8220;Now, all you need is a photograph,8217;8217; instructed Anushree and disappeared. Only to resurface on Facebook, requesting friendship. I pressed Confirm and there we were: 8220;Anushree and Shailaja are now friends8221;. Is this what I signed on for? nbsp;
Thereafter, I punched in names8212;any names8212;and found myself staring at strangers with even weirder friends. You can do that on this site: it says View Friends. Press and suddenly you know how many friends Anushree has far too many and all that you don8217;t ever want to know about them. I checked out my niece8212;hmmm, mostly girls, a few guys, one doorway and8212;me! I am listed as her friend. Gosh, this headache is getting worse. nbsp;
My younger office colleagues, feeling sorry for me, requested me for my friendship. I granted it to them8212;now we are all friends, all female. Soon, I received messages8212;yes, you can message here too. I know you won8217;t believe this but the most common opening line was8212;he he. He he as in a giggle of incredulity fancy finding you here not he he as in male, single, and interested in me. nbsp;
Amrita asked me to be more adventurous: this wouldn8217;t do for the article. At home, Inbsp; told Alex of my determination to crack this Facebook mystery: what is it that younger people have that I haven8217;t which makes them such addicts while all I get is he-he and a headache? Alex listened with eyes closed8212;he is too accustomed to my woes and face.nbsp;
Right: I locate everyone I know under 25, send messages. The Poke button invites my finger and I succumb to temptation8212;ooh, now, action . Everyone poked me back. Very rude and from my perspective, pointless, since I felt nothing but disappointment. I scrolled, ah, there8217;s a Movie Compatability Test I immediately signed on to. I am up against my Facebook friends. Result: Anushree and I are a Terrible Match knew it all along while Pallavi and I are Casual Buddies. Hello Pallavi, goodbye Anushree. nbsp;
Next, the Never ending Movie Quiz. I puff out my chest, wiggle my fingers like a pianist: movies I know more about than Google, Wikipedia, Rotten Tomatoes, Imbd or Imdb together. My scoreline: 70. World Rank: 4065489. There are invitations to make up my own quiz It8217;s easy or try another Or are you scared?. Naturally, I decline. nbsp;
Amrita, ever optimistic, says the reason I8217;m not getting anywhere is my face. It8217;s missing. She immediately arranges for a photograph8212;gratefully 10 years old. Now, she smiles encouragingly, now. Aha, there8217;s writing on my wall which is the same as a message except that it8217;s on the wall. You can send posters, designs and other flights of imagination. There8217;s also Super Wall Application8212;why? Groups beckon me. Well, Amrita did tell me to try everything: I click on Groups and press Just for Fun. I am offered All Hail to her Boobiness: Pamela Anderson 29 members in India, view them, read their views on these twin subjects8230;
Worse, all I have done on Facebook is public knowledge: Shailaja took the Movie Compatabillity Test, Shailaja is friends with Leher, Kanika, Pallavi, Shikha, Shailaja has joined Dog Lovers, Shailaja got poked and poked back 8211; what happened to good old notions of privacy? Do I really want everyone to know that my movie rank is8230; never mind.
I can send and receive presents, put up my baby bottom photographs and receive in kind. In fact, I can lead a second life, virtual and not at all secret. I don8217;t see why I should: nor, clearly, do any of my contemporary friends. nbsp;
At the end of this exercise, I have 13 friends all female listed, one group, one network, messages, wall, a Super Wall, a poke or two, a sheep as in ba-ba and a picture of my other niece looking like a witch in labour. Conclusion: not for me, unless I am stranded in a no-talk zone; this is for young people with time and the inclination to make strange friends and stranger conversation.
I go home to Alex and tell him he is the only male in my life and I8217;ll make do with that. He licks his paw nails.
Psst: Anyone know how to make me Faceless? Or give me a Facelift?
