Don’t call us. We’ll call you…

Two, you are urged to deposit money in an ATM or a drop box. But you do not get a statement and there is no passbook to update. If you want a statement, you are charged for trying to find out how much money the bank has taken from you in the form of deposits. Three, while you are able to withdraw money from the ATM even at midnight, you get fixed denominations of the notes. So if you want that money to buy an icecream cone, you may as well forget it since the vendor is unlikely to have change for Rs 500.

Coming to the fourth reason, some of these banks dump a debit card on you which doubles up as an ATM card. You do not have a choice here, but it hurts when they charge you Rs 99 for it. Five, a credit card is forced on you with steely, yet sugary, sweetness, by the selling agent: It is free and you can use it in Honolulu. What you don’t see is the small print of the ‘‘free offer’’ being valid only for the first year. Also the interest rate of 2.75-3 per cent is actually for a month. Which means that on an annual basis you pay over 30 per cent which will make even a Shylock blush.

Six, the bank provides free internet and mobile banking. But who bears the cost of a PC, a mobile phone and telephone bill? What if the other party who is to receive the money does not have access to the net? Next, you are given a pin number for your internet banking, phone banking, mobile banking, ATM card, debit card, credit card, etc. How do you remember these codes?

Then, there is an array of products on offer—housing loans, car loans, washing machine loans. You may not want them but get tempted with the offer of a loan of 9.25 per cent which can be repaid in five years for a dream home which is fully furnished and it comes at a discount if you fill in the form handed to you by a sweaty agent at the traffic signal!

Then, since you have given him your home and telephone number details, you will have 10 people calling you up and begging you to take the many products the bank offers. As for the tenth point, well, you call up your bank to lodge a complaint and all you hear is a long spell of music followed by the words, “We shall get back to you. Have a nice day”. Of course, nobody gets back and the next time you call up, there is another voice telling you the same thing. This is customer service, in case you are wondering what they call this particular brand of harassment.