Damage control, the remote way

It8217;s awful kind of TRAI to peer into the television screen and see what8217;s happening. We8217;re awful grateful except that we146...

It8217;s awful kind of TRAI to peer into the television screen and see what8217;s happening. We8217;re awful grateful except that we8217;re, also, awful mad. That8217;s the entire TV industry and the commodities they sell to advertisers 8212; you and me. Our tale of woe reads something like this: those who bought the CAS set top box are sad because they bought it and might be stuck with it while others might never have to buy it; those who have not bought it are sad because they might have to, in which case, they might as well have bought it in the first place and not missed a single episode of The Bold and the Beautiful; both are unhappy because they have to pay more for more or less the same services and, in Chennai they8217;re unhappy because they8217;re happy: not needing set boxes most popular channels are free-to-air they don8217;t get to hog the headlines with their unhappiness. Got that?

The broadcasters8217; grief has TV serials weeping so copiously they could be condensed into this year8217;s monsoon clouds. If CAS is implemented, advertisers will learn just how many watch their channels in South Delhi and should the numbers be low, they8217;ll reduce their ads for South Delhi. If CAS is not implemented, everyone will say the broadcasters bribed the government, TRAI, etc., and that they8217;re anti-consumer. That8217;s worse than being anti-national.

The cable industry is miserable because it has set top boxes no one wants 8212; even those who have them. They receive dirty calls at midnight: 8216;8216;Why have you cut off Tom 038; Jerry, you cartoon?8217;8217; The broadcasters demand more subscribers out of them, the subscribers demand more channels out of them 8212; it8217;s got so, they8217;re thinking of hanging themselves from their satellite dishes for supporting CAS.

Who8217;s happy? The Central government which after, cleverly, dumping its mess into TRAI8217;s lap, hopes that if it can keep down the price of onions, voters will forgive the mess it created. TRAI, happily, doesn8217;t know what it8217;s got into.

Meanwhile, National Highway Authority of India is busy trying to get Mr Vajpayee reelected, singlehandedly. In ads appearing on DD News and DD National, it extols the virtues of the Prime Minister8217;s dream project never mind if individuals like Dubey have died along the way.

The ads claim Vajpayee8217;s road show is pro-farmers, tourism, tourists, the middle class, business8230;. rather like Jaswant Singh8217;s latest round of sops. This is a clever pre-election media campaign: get public and private sector companies to advertise India Shining for you, before the code of conduct is enforced.

Sonia Gandhi has also worked out a cost-free media campaign. It consists of meeting-greeting every single possible political leader for tea, coffee, birthday cake, Pongal, Sankranti, Lodhi so that she8217;s always a TV op. She should have been the star of Paisa Vasool.

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BBC could teach everyone about clever media strategies. On Hard Talk it got Jocelyn Hay, head of Voice of Listeners and Viewers, to defend BBC by attacking itself. So, the earnest anchor not Timmy Sebastian accused BBC of being a 8216;8216;dinosaur8217;8217;, 8216;8216;paternalistic8217;8217;, of spending huge amounts of public funds on 8216;8216;minority programming8217;8217; while all the public wanted was to watch Rupert Murdoch8217;s Sky TV. And what of Iraq and a certain Dr Kelly, huh? Well, it apologised dinnit, replied the lady stoutly, it made 8216;8216;one mistake and quickly rectified it8217;8217;. Any way, BBC serves all the people, it makes the good popular, the popular good8230; public service TV zindabad. You might pun that BBC was making Hay while the sun shines. Then again, you might not.

Lastly: TV characters may look human but they sound like animals. In Kehta Hai Dil Grusha Kapoor looks like a woman but she8217;s really a hissing snake; the mother in Kabhi Aiyee Na Judai is a meowing cat, while Komolika is a cross between the two. Don8217;t believe? Listen to te sound track.

Finally, Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin lives up to its name, again. Watching Armaan-Sir in a fluffy, pink dress, all week, might have you exclaim, 8216;8216;What a drag8217;8217; ! but it was delightfully subversive. Jassi8230; may not be wowing the TRPs the way Komolika does but she8217;s allowing TV to flourish in the most unusual ways.