Beast of Burden

Puzzled, non-Hummers?
Why would anyone wish to pay 105 per cent custom duty or face the wrath of revenue intelligence for this hulking, fuel guzzling giant that’s not built for speed but climbing 16-inch rocks and steps?

Because (rich) boys will be boys. ‘‘It’s the ultimate machine. It’s made for Indian roads,’’ drools a new Hummer owner in Mumbai, strictly off the record. ‘‘You can cross rivers, climb mountains and stuff…I got it for over Rs 70 lakh.’’

Dossa cannot forget his Hummer initiation. ‘‘As we went straight up and then downhill at a steep angle, I thought the Hummer would overturn and we would be killed,’’ recalls Dossa, executive chairman, Western India Automobile Association (WIAA). ‘‘Surprisingly, the drive was smooth despite rocky terrain.’’

At the end of Dossa’s adventure drive, this American giant had made more Indian friends. Last month, the WIAA recommended the Hummer—as the one vehicle that could have driven through the 26/7 submergence—for Mumbai’s police force. But that’s not why it’s in the news.

We are not sure which mountains of Mumbai Shetty wanted to explore on his reliable Hummer. Really, would he ever need its airlift hooks that the US military uses to airlift Hummer’s military look-alikes—the Humvees—by helicopter? However, if the routes to Film City drown next monsoon, he could ford through 30-inch submergence, as drain plugs on the Hummer’s floors let the mucky water out.

But Shetty’s toy was rudely snatched from him for Rs 35 lakh customs duty evasion, even before he could play with those switches on the dashboard that let you inflate or deflate tyres on the go.

A Mumbai ‘‘adviser’’ on how-to-buy-Hummer says the fascination is a guy thing. ‘‘Boys want to show off their toys. Hummer performs like a battle tank.’’

TO those who missed the fuss, the Hummer is, since 1992, the ‘‘civilian’’ version of the US military’s Humvees or High Mobility Multi-purpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMWV) of Operation Desert Storm and other battlefield fames. So regions with anti-American sentiment make poor buyers. Afghanistan, Iraq…

Easy-to-drive is the US military’s criterion, so it’s auto transmission. The makers, AM General at Mishawaka, Indiana, pointedly explain that it is a Class III truck, not an SUV. ‘‘Hummer is not an acronym for any special words, but was coined by people first involved in the programme,’’ they say on the web.

Once you are obsessed with owning a Hummer, the bother begins. On the official Hummer.com site, no authorised Indian dealer is listed. ‘‘If you are looking for a Hummer for dirt cheap, don’t bother,’’ fan site Humvee.net warns brutally. ‘‘Since no one would spend a lot of money for a truck only to trash it, there simply aren’t any old, beat-up ones around.’’

If your adviser-in-the-know orders through middlemen, customs spoil things by demanding a type approval certificate that’s impossible to come by. ‘‘Shetty was not guided properly,’’ says an insider on the deal.

But Indian car fanatics are already eyeing Baby Hummer or the smaller H3 model. General Motors, that owns and markets the Hummer brand in the H series, says the best markets are also the Middle East and Europe, besides Arnold Schwarzenegger, soccer players in London—and the secretive dozen in Mumbai.

If you are planning baby Hummer, join this underground club.