Tahira Kashyap weighs in on marital relationships, says conversations should not be just limited to house, food: ‘Lust comes and goes’; why identity matters

She also mentioned that she despises “those WhatsApp wife jokes,” which “take the saint out of me (laughs)”. “Those wife jokes are not funny,” said Kashyap.

Here’s what you should consider (Photo: Freepik)

Taking a cue from her candid admission, let’s understand her thoughts and whether they are good pointers for any relationship.

Why identity matters in marriage

Delnna Rrajesh, a psychotherapist and life coach, said that when two individuals lose their personal space, their personal spark dims as well. “The very qualities that once made them interesting, exciting, and alive begin to dissolve into functional roles. Healthy relationships are built on interdependence, not co-dependence,” Delnna shared.

According to Delnna, interdependence translates into loving someone without needing to erase yourself. “You can share a life while still owning your voice, dreams, and individuality. You are life partners, not extensions of each other. This is why respect precedes everything. Even love,” Delnna expressed.

Companionship: The underestimated pillar

Companionship is a profound truth. “So many marriages today become transactional. Conversations are reduced to bills, chores, logistics, and schedules. Slowly, friendship disappears, and only function remains. Real companionship, however, thrives when two people share conversations that inspire them, not just help them survive. Make space to play, laugh, and learn together — not just plan; see each other as individuals with evolving worlds,” described Delnna.

Couples who nurture companionship often find that love deepens over time. “Not because it’s always romantic, but because it’s mature and real,” said Delnna.

Humour that hurts

Delnna also asserted that wife jokes are not just jokes. “They’re cultural scripts disguised as entertainment. For decades, Indian humour around marriage has thrived on stereotypes. The ‘nagging wife,’ the ‘henpecked husband,’ the ‘dumb husband,’ the ‘drama queen wife.’ It’s portrayed as harmless banter, often laughed off in family groups or forwarded without a second thought. But beneath the surface, these narratives shape how people think, speak, and ultimately treat their partners,” said Delnna.

Repeated often enough, humour normalises disrespect. “It shifts the emotional tone of a marriage without anyone noticing. A seemingly harmless one-liner can create a slow emotional erosion, the kind that builds resentment in silence,” mentioned Delnna.

When couples choose humour that uplifts rather than mocks, they create a sanctuary, i.e. a space where both people can feel safe, valued, and emotionally held. “In therapy, I’ve often seen couples reconnect deeply when they consciously shift their humour from sarcasm to shared joy. Sarcasm may get a few laughs, but shared joy builds trust. And trust is the heartbeat of companionship,” said Delnna.

To prevent marriages from dissolving into domestic monotony, couples can consciously:

Maintain individual space: Hobbies, friendships, and quiet time are not threats. They are oxygen, stressed Delnna.
Talk about more than logistics: One meaningful conversation daily can keep connection alive.
Respect evolution: People change. Celebrate your partner’s growth rather than resist it.
Laugh with, not at: Humour should bond, not belittle, said Delnna.

When identity is respected and companionship is nurtured, love doesn’t fade. “It matures. And the most powerful kind of love is not when two people become one. It’s when two whole people choose to build something beautiful together,” said Delnna.