‘I was 21-years-old and was terrified’: Raghu Ram opens up about guilt after losing virginity; why many may feel the same way

Reacting to what Raghu said, the host of the podcast, AminJaz agreed that many feel the same way after having sex for the first time. “This is a feeling most people feel after doing it for the first time.”

This highlights a rarely discussed reality — why some people struggle with complex emotions after sex.

So, what psychological or cultural factors contribute to feelings of guilt or regret after a first sexual experience?

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “Cultural conditioning and moral beliefs play a significant role in shaping one’s perception of sexual experiences. Many cultures emphasise virginity as a marker of purity, particularly before marriage, which can lead to feelings of shame or guilt afterward. Religious teachings often reinforce this by associating premarital sex with sin, creating deep-seated guilt for those raised with such beliefs. Additionally, when personal expectations about the experience — whether emotional, relational, or symbolic — don’t align with reality, it can result in regret. Feelings of pressure or a lack of emotional readiness can also make the experience feel like a loss of control rather than a choice.” 

 

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Moreover, she continues, sex often triggers “deep emotional responses, particularly for individuals with an anxious attachment style,” and if their emotional needs aren’t met afterward, they may experience distress or a sense of loss. Lastly, cognitive dissonance can arise if someone strongly believed in waiting for the ‘right time’ or ‘right person’ but acted sooner than intended, leading to internal conflict and self-doubt.

Processing these emotions for self-acceptance and emotional well-being

Gursahaney suggests the following ways to foster self-acceptance:

Challenge Shame-Based Beliefs: It helps to recognise that sexual experiences don’t define one’s worth or morality. Questioning inherited beliefs can be liberating.

Self-Compassion: Instead of self-blame, one can acknowledge that they made the best decision with the knowledge and emotions they had at the time.

Therapeutic Exploration: If the emotions are deeply distressing, working with a therapist to unpack them can be helpful.

Journaling and Reflection: Writing about the experience and emotions without judgement can help reframe it in a healthier way.

Mindfulness and Acceptance: Mindfulness practices can help one stay present with emotions rather than getting stuck in negative narratives.