What Javed Akhtar’s view on failure teaches us about not letting struggles define us: ‘Hum kya karte hain, jo hamare dard hain, unko medal bana ke laga lete hain’

He continued, “Iss raah mein jo sabpe guzarti hai woh humpe bhi guzari hai. Toh koi aisi baat nahi hai aaj, jinn baaton ka hum zikr karein. Aaj ke taareekh mein, jab main aur aap baithe yahan maze se baat kar rahe hain, crore log honge joh unhi haalat mein hai. Toh yeh koi unusual ya badi baat nahi hai jispe itna naaz kiya jaaye (Whatever everyone goes through on this path, I’ve gone through it too. So there’s nothing extraordinary worth mentioning about it today. At this very moment, while you and I sit here talking comfortably, there are millions of people out there facing the same circumstances. So it’s nothing unusual or remarkable that one should feel so proud about.”)

To further decode his philosophy, we spoke with an expert to understand when taking pride in one’s past failures could become detrimental. 

When taking pride in failures shifts from being empowering to being self-limiting

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “For many people, holding on to failure with pride is a way of making sense of pain. When something difficult happens, giving it meaning can help protect one’s dignity. It becomes a story of survival. That can be empowering and grounding.”

She adds, “But pride can also slowly harden into identity. Instead of growing beyond the pain, people may begin to see themselves only through their struggles. This can create stagnation, and the story no longer moves forward. Actual growth begins when we can honour what happened without letting it define who we are.”

Distinguishing between healthy self-acceptance and the kind of pride that prevents growth or accountability

There’s a quietness in healthy self-acceptance. Baruah explains that you don’t need to repeat the story again and again to prove your worth. It shows up as learning, confidence, and the ability to hold both your strengths and your mistakes. 

“The other side, when pride turns into resistance, often comes with a lack of accountability. It may manifest as victimhood, expecting special treatment because of past hardship, or as a failure-based avoidance of responsibility. One helps you grow; the other keeps you circling the same ground,” states the expert.

Emotional maturity starts with allowing yourself to sit with that discomfort instead of rushing to turn it into a “lesson” or burying it under false strength. Practices like journaling, therapy, or even mindful solitude can help separate what happened from who you are.