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Journalism of Courage
Taking on the responsibility of supporting a family at a young age can shape a person’s character in profound ways. Composer Daboo Malik recalls a pivotal moment with his elder son, Amaal Mallik, in an interview with Vickey Lalwani, saying, “He’s the first elder son to whom the father comes and says, ‘Beta, main haar gaya (Son, I’ve lost)’. Which father does that to his 15-year-old innocent child? Daboo Malik comes home, hugs Amaal, and says, ‘Iske aage gaadi chalegi nahi meri. Tu kuchh karega kya? (I can’t work beyond this. Will you do something)?’”
From the ages of 10 to 15, Amaal experienced what his father described as “a strong emotional upheaval.” As Daboo put it, “He’s seen his father fall and lose from when he was 10 to 15 years old. But nobody sees that. Everybody sees his outburst and critical ways, but that’s his character now. He’s taken that decision.” Amaal began working at 16, fresh out of class 10, producing thousands of jingles and working as a programmer and arranger for major names, all while his younger brother was still in school.
According to Daboo, “A son like that, who feels he’s earned everything with his blood and sweat, suddenly realises he’s getting sidelined and isn’t the hero of this household anymore… That his younger brother was becoming the hero instead would have a mental impact on Amaal every day. I think that’s a small mistake on part of the parents. But no one was doing it intentionally. We’ve to be very careful parents.”
Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, “When a child becomes the main breadwinner early, they grow up fast, sometimes too fast. There’s pride in being able to support the family, but it often comes with invisible weight.”
He adds that they carry the unspoken fear of ‘What if I can’t provide?’ and may constantly put others’ needs before their own. While their peers are worrying about exams or weekend plans, they’re learning to negotiate, budget, and protect the people they love. The maturity is admirable, but the cost can be silent exhaustion.
When one child takes on more responsibility, Arora notes that it’s important for parents to make sure this doesn’t turn into a lifelong burden or overshadow the needs of other siblings.
“Appreciation must be spoken, not assumed. Involving all children in ways that match their abilities, making sure no one feels left out, and avoiding comparisons can help. It keeps the sense of ‘we’re in this together’ alive, instead of ‘one person is carrying everyone’,” states the expert.
Arora says, “For adults who carried such weight in their younger years, healing often starts with giving themselves permission to live for themselves. Often the hardest part.”
He adds, “Therapy or honest conversations can help them release resentment or grief for the childhood they didn’t fully have. Learning to set boundaries, reframing the experience as a source of strength rather than only sacrifice, and making time for passions they once postponed can be liberating.”
