What people living with obesity need to start on their weight loss journey: Just a few encouraging words

How we speak about obesity and other diseases

When we refer to someone as “an obese person,” it almost defines him from that one prism. “We don’t say ‘a cancerous person’ or ‘a diabetic person’, do we?

At least say ‘a person living with obesity.’ These phrases acknowledge the person first — the human, not the health condition,” says Dr Ghosh. She feels that even seemingly politically correct labels like “plus-size” tend to be judgmental. “The goal is not to glorify obesity or pretend it’s without consequence — the goal is to replace judgment with support so that people can seek help without fear or shame,” says Dr Ghosh.

When language matters

Compliments about weight loss, like “You look so much better now,” may seem encouraging but can sting as they allude to a past where you weren’t good enough. Similarly, “good for you, picking the salad,” can feel patronizing, especially when we wouldn’t say it to someone in a thinner body. In fact, Dr Ghosh lays down examples of what some of our words and phrases can mean to the obese person. For example, when we say, “Are you sure you need that second plate,” in a well-meaning manner, the person might feel shamed and policed.

Sometimes doctors themselves may unknowingly play the blame game. “When they focus only on weight (which no doubt is a risk factor for diseases) for all their health issues, their patient might feel dismissed. A good strategy would be to talk about the current health issue, then move to weight as a trigger,” says Dr Ghosh. She also cautions against normalising fat jokes, no matter how sporting overweight people might be. “Inside, they feel excluded and mocked,” she adds. In fact, she has seen many people dealing with obesity discontinue going to the gym only because the trainer pushes them to do more. Instead they should be saying, “Let’s do what works for you today.”

Backhanded compliments, like “You have such a pretty face, only if you had lost some weight,” can be demotivating. Instead, saying, “It’s so great to see you” is affirmative without conditions. Or when you say, “you’re brave for wearing this dress,” it might imply that you’re making a judgment on a bold style statement and the person might feel cornered. Sometimes self-talk about guilting over eating an extra piece of cake or jalebi — “I’m being so bad today, I had an extra piece of cake/jalebi,” might just make a person struggling with weight issues uncomfortable with the idea of eating anything.

Small gestures matter. “Don’t offer flimsy and slim chairs in a public setting to your guest. Comfortable seats reassure people dealing with obesity that they are welcome and included,” says Dr Ghosh. Fitness ads, too, should be size-inclusive, to create a realm of possibility.

Difficult conversations don’t have to be demeaning

The whole idea is to build trust so that people dealing with obesity feel supported, not avoided. “Many people living with obesity already know the risks. What they lack is a safe space to talk about it without being judged, interrupted, or blamed. Praise their energy. Admire their resilience. Acknowledge their humanity,” says Dr Ghosh.