Yami Gautam reveals why she couldn’t enjoy success of Vicky Donor; battled fear of losing work and being irrelevant

“Six to seven years ago, I was looking for a script and now I’m looking for a good script, that’s the difference,” Yami tells indianexpress.com about what has changed in her career today.

“Not that I wasn’t looking for a good script back then, but I was just looking for work, looking for something to work out. Thanks to 2019, two of my films, Uri and Bala, resurrected my career, gave me a whole new platform to voice my choices, the kind of films I want to associate with. To restart my journey on that path is the biggest difference (in me) today.”

 

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For the actor, the success feels sweeter, because the hardship was testing. Yami, who doesn’t have a Hindi film connection as a safety net to fall back on, says the phase where she was sticking out to survive was “tough”. Yami says the ways of the industry are such that one takes time to navigate its maze, which requires extreme self-confidence and patience.

“You realise as you gain experience and work in the industry that anyone—whether you had a successful first film or not—will take time to get a hold of this industry. There’s no other way, especially for someone with my kind of background. Especially when you come with a certain perspective— you don’t want to just work, you want to do good work… The whole idea is that you’ve to survive, be patient, you’ve to keep working on your perspective- what is it that you want to do? What’s the kind of legacy you want, the kind of work you want to do. It’s important to ask yourself relevant questions.”

The actor says it’s natural, then, for fear to seep in and cloud judgements. Mentioning Vicky Donor as an example, Yami says she could not truly enjoy the success of her film as it opened her up to a “gazillion” questions: From well-intentioned advice to the unspoken pressure of topping her breakthrough debut.

“Of course fear dictates the choice you make right after your first film. When I signed my first film, I didn’t have any baggage, I didn’t have any link, I don’t think anyone had any expectations from me—just like any other newcomer—especially when you come from a different background, you’re not from the industry or the city. I’m saying this as a matter of fact, not trying to take it into any debate.

“One of the significant things I do remember from that (phase) is that I didn’t quite enjoy the success of my first film, because the moment that happened, there were a gazillion questions. You have your team, so they come in, the entourage, so much advice. They mean well for you, but there are so many voices that what you want kind of want recedes in the background,” she adds.

 

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Yami says the fear never just limits itself to matters of professional choices but slowly wraps around personal branding. The actor recalls being in a phase where she was being spoken about in terms of how much more “conventional” she should be. All the noise, Yami says, leads to fear being the driving factor–and not the love of art.

“Of course there’s fear, that this is what you should do, this is how you should dress, this is how you should carry yourself. That your launch wasn’t with a conventional film, but people want to see you in a conventional way so that they can cast you accordingly. I never understood these brackets. I’m just an actor here to do my job and to do as many versatile roles as possible… I thought that was enough, but it isn’t. Then fear drives you.

“Fear of losing work, fear of being in ‘out of sight out of mind’ situation, so you’ve to be seen. There’s PR, your brand, so many other things that the very basic, the core aspect of why you did that film or came to the city gets blurred. It’s all about finding that. If I’m confident about my talent or what I can do as an actor, what I’m here to learn as an actor, then I will wait for that and not compromise on my work. That’s what I was waiting for, and I think it comes only with a certain experience. No matter what someone’s trying to advise you, it’ll only make sense when you’re able to accept that about yourself,” she adds.