New goal-setting for goal-keeper

But the tumult will take time before it settles completely. “In the beginning,it was just difficult personally as a sportsman and as a human being. But having near and dear ones around helped me in getting back my confidence mentally,” says the 28-year-old. D’Souza had been spending time with his family after a feverish criss-crossing inaugural WSH season last year,when he first heard of the positive test. “It was all over,though I got to know from the press,as usual,” he says wryly.

The positive unnerved him even more,given that it was duing his down-time that hell broke loose. “The gap between the dope test (at Jallandhar) and the result was long,so it was a shock because the tournament was over by then,” he says.

It was a month before he was scheduled to be married. “Wife’s been a huge support in the tough times,” he says.

The appeal hearing wasn’t a smooth affair,and the time when he prepared to appeal for a reduced ban was the toughest. The defense against the cannabinoids (a specified substance) charge is known to have cited examples like Michael Phelps (who never tested positive,but was snapped smoking) and a few other UK athletes,and the hearing took D’Souza to the trenches emotionally as they leaned on other similar cares of inadvertent indiscretions. He’s determined to look back at the episode as a ‘phase of life’ – albeit a painful one. He also mouths caution. “It’s important for every athlete to know what is going inside the system. I’ll be very careful,and so should everyone,” he says,stressing that it was a mistake unknowingly committed.

But the entire season seems to have gathered around it a wretched haze for the former India international. The miserable turn of events started in fact when the WSH-Hockey India divide cleaved through the rank and file of the country’s active players. “The two federations should stop dividing players. Some are still in trouble,and you don’t know who’s coming and who’s going,” he says. His team Mumbai Marines then finished last in the league. And then came the flunked dope test. Finally the ban was enforced from June,not April as he lost a further two months there with the appeal underway.”I missed all the domestic tournaments,” he rues. He found support in his departmental team – Air India and its mentoring figure and coach Dhanraj Pillay. “Anna (Pillay) and other team-mates told me to not worry,and not give up. They asked me to get fit and train with them,though I couldn’t play. I started with slow,gradual workouts,” he recalls. The Malad boy also found release in playing football.

He doesn’t deny that confusing stares mixed with sympathetic nods wherever he went,but is glad that he had people pulling him through some torrid moments. “It’s a year I won’t forget. But I’m ready to face any situation,and move on,” he declares. The last time he’d been so down was in 2005 when confronted with a serious back injury and missing out on a World Cup when he was closest to sealing his India spot. That seems like a goal still too far away. “I’ll always give my best and want to play for my country. But in the current scenario,people might not allow…” he trails off,still bogged down by the WSH-Hockey India fracas,a generally rough time of harsh choices on players across the country.

Adrian D’Souza though is keen on focussing on his immediate goals. “I need to ensure Mumbai Marines do not come last,” he starts. Last season’s draft system saw them bunched with 6 foreign players,though not all of them didn’t finally arrived. “This year I want a basic first draft system. No more jhanjhat,” he says,a tad wary of more struggles. “We want to finish in the top 4.” After the downer of the last season,D’Souza personally would be simply happy to go out on the field and start a game of hockey.