Yeh hai Mumbai, Dr Singh

Messiah of the masses or wily politician? Like the dubious beneficiaries of Quota Politics, Mumbaikars are unsure. Forgive us for being sceptical: we have waited too long, been forsaken too often, and watched our beautiful, vivacious metropolis slip into the black hole of civic anarchy. Last year, the Economist listed Mumbai as one of the world8217;s most unlivable cities, consigning it to a global terminal ward, along with Dhaka, Abidjan and Bogota.

Here8217;s why:

8226; We are 18 million people crammed onto one tiny island, with a population density of 43,898 per sq km. Compare this to just 9033 per sq km in Delhi. Real estate prices are so unreal that in downtown Mumbai you could pay Rs 60,000 for a single sq ft.

8226; Yet, there are 19,846 buildings in danger of collapsing. And eight million people 8212; nearly half of Mumbai8217;s citizens 8212; live in subhuman slums, where every public toilet is shared by 4,000 people.

8226; Two million others commute like slaughterhouse animals on the hopelessly inadequate suburban train system, and another four million use moonscaped roads, pockmarked with an estimated 23,639 potholes. There is only one bus for every 1,300 people and only two public parking spots for every 1,000 cars.

8226; We have a water shortage of 1000 million litres. The commodity is so scarce that swanky skyscrapers have to rely on private suppliers, and those who can8217;t afford to eat must shell out Rs 20 for a bucket to drink.

8226; With a deficit of 1500 MW, the city is on the verge of a power crisis.

8226; We generate 7,800 tonnes of garbage everyday 8212; only half that of New York 8212; but much of it lies uncollected because there are only three municipal dumps.

8226; An estimated 80 per cent of Mumbai8217;s slum children are moderately or severely malnourished.

8226; There is only one civic hospital for every 1.5 million people, and each year, thousands fall prey to typhoid, cholera, jaundice, gastro-enteritis and leptospirosis.

Of course, it8217;s only fair to admit that Mumbai8217;s elected representatives have not turned a blind eye to all this. On the contrary, they have actively aided the city8217;s descent into hell.

Here8217;s how:

8226; Instead of addressing the need for quality, low cost housing, the state government has sought to create an artificial scarcity of land by insisting on archaic laws that allow the lowest levels of FSI or floor space per person.

8226; Equally archaic rent laws ensure that people pay only a fraction of what their property is worth, forcing landlords to neglect perilous buildings.

8226; Slums continue to grow unchecked, thanks to votebank policies. In 2004, when Chief Minister Vilasrao Deshmukh vowed to make Mumbai slum free, he was forced to recant, by none other than Congress President Sonia Gandhi. And grandiose slum rehabilitation plans have been more or less hijacked by the builders8217; mafia after they were granted free land by the state government in return for taking on low budget housing projects.

8226; Mumbai8217;s 4,526 crore urban transport project has been lying comatose for over 20 years, a much needed Sea Link Project is nowhere near completion after six years, and the 2,300 metro rail will only roll by 2011.

8226; Much of the city still depends on a hundred-year-old sewage system installed by the British, while the Brimstowad Files, a 8220;new8221; storm water drainage plan, has remained in the municipal cold storage for over 12 years. Incidentally, the municipality has also been 8220;locating8221; a suitable new dumping site for over a decade, with little success.

8226; Last year, an estimated 865 crore lay unused with the Urban Development Department because Chief Minister Deshmukh was too busy shutting down dance bars and slamming the door on 8220;wardrobe malfunctions8221; to notice. And the Municipal Corporation recently forked out Rs 10 crore to international consultant McKinsey for suggestions on how to clean up its act, but Commissioner Johnny Joseph still can8217;t decide what to do with the report.

Naughty boys! Serves them right to be rapped on the knuckles by our prime ministerji. And like all schoolboys they have done the honorable thing: pitched into each other. While Deshmukh churlishly complained that transforming the city was the municipality8217;s job, the BMC, which has been run by the Shiv Sena for over 20 years, claims that the Congress government is taking the credit for the city8217;s infrastructure projects only to lure voters in the forthcoming civic elections.

It8217;s a familiar Punch and Judy show. But in the ringside seats there was silence 8212; the silence of indifference and resignation. After the deluge of last July when Heaven wept 944 mm of rain and left 400 dead, Mumbai8217;s citizens booed briefly at the protagonists, and reached for their rotten eggs 8212; before going back dry-eyed to the important business of minding their own business.

Now Dr Singh is asking us for more involved spectatorship. 8220;Unless people become proactive and participate in urban governance, we cannot impose reforms from above,8221; he admonished, gently. But he seems to have conveniently forgotten one tiny detail. Mumbai contributes Rs 58,000 crore to the national exchequer, and receives only Rs 1000 crore in return from New Delhi. If you will excuse us, sir, it doesn8217;t quite add up. After all, as the architect of India8217;s economy, surely you know that solving a problem depends on how well you balance the formula.