English is a peculiar language. Grammar is important but the real art is in knowing the context and nuances of the words used. An extreme example is “I am not here” — which is grammatically correct but can never be truthfully spoken. However, we were taught in our social etiquette lectures at the National Defence Academy that if you called on a senior officer at his house and were told that the sahib was “not in”, it did not mean that he was physically away but that he was not in the mood to see you.
As a young lieutenant, I was attending a cocktail party at which our captain was the guest of honour. We were all having a good time when the captain decided to leave. With the best of intentions, I requested him to have a last drink. The captain was furious and screamed that he had no intention of making the drink his “last” and he had no doubt he would live long enough to imbibe thousands more. That was the last time I uttered the word “last” in any such context.
At another time, I was in the company of a senior officer who had had his training in the UK and was a pucca sahib complete with an Oxford accent. We were contemplating a game of golf but the sky was overcast. I casually remarked that I did not think it would rain. Whereby I was politely but firmly told that the very fact that I had made that statement reflected that I had actually applied my mind to the matter and what I should really have said was that I “thought” it would “not” rain!
A ship was once exercising “action stations” during which all personnel are required to man their battle positions. The gunnery officer wanted to check communications from the “bridge” and said on the intercom, “All positions, this is bridge, how do you hear me, over?” On not getting any response, the query was repeated a number of times. Finally, a junior sailor picked up the nearest mike and said, “Bridge, this is all positions, hearing you loud and clear”. Whereupon the no-nonsense GO thundered, “Incorrect, you should have said “these are all positions!’”
At least in my days, the defence services believed more in following the Jeeves code of conduct of the stiff upper lip rather than the flippant ways of Bertie Wooster and Gussie Fink-Nottle. The emphasis was on using correct terminology and precise language. In the navy, you could not “keep a beard” but “discontinue shaving”. Then there were some set phrases which had to be used in formal writing. A letter to the commanding officer had to begin with “I have the honour” even if you were confessing a dishonourable misdeed. Far simpler to follow the babu who, replying to the preceding note on a file, wrote, “for your above, see my below.”