Fifteen years in theatre and Kishore Kadam still hasn't compromised. Or lost his passion. His dark face still knots up into a belligerent look that speaks of a man determined to live by his calling. An actor stubborn about finding success where some say none exists. Though the curtain has fallen many times to loud applause, Kadam is still waiting, impatiently, for the bouquets to arrive backstage. "I am an acclaimed actor, not a successful one," he says, starkly.And he is right. With intense well-etched performances in plays like Gandhi Viruddh Gandhi, Yel Kot, Gandhi Ambedkar and the Wada Chirebandi trilogy, he has caught the critic's eye time and again. But that one moment in time, when all the lights are on him - just on him - has eluded him so far. Says Chandrakant Kulkarni, Marathi, Gujarati and Hindi stage director, who has Kadam on his `repeat list', "He has got a lot of satisfaction from the work he has done but not popular recognition." Renuka Shahane, TV and stage actress whostudied with Kadam under Satyadev Dubey, agrees with Kulkarni. Says she, "He is a very fine actor and I feel he thinks that he hasn't got what he deserves. I agree with him."But that hasn't deterred his quest for quality. Besides being a sought-after stage actor, he is an acclaimed Marathi poet, a popular songster for Marathi films, a director, a TV actor, a play writer and a Hindi film actor whose work has been appreciated in films like Shanshodhan, Mammo, Aaghat and Is Raat Ki Subah Nahin. All this to hone his craft. "Writing, directing and acting are all inter-connected. They help me to improve as an actor," he says.And even when he is not working, he is working on work. "Whether I am walking on the road or eating, I am saying dialogues, reciting poems, thinking about a movie. Every moment is related to acting for me," he says. Kulkarni, whose friendship with Kadam runs deep, is amazed at his energy. "You can see Kishore all over the city at film festivals, play and poetry readings,seminars. He thinks he has very little time and he wants to do everything," says he.But this running around seems as much an escape as a search. Kadam says that life hasn't been easy for him but he doesn't elaborate. But even if he attempted an explanation, it would still not simplify the angst that drives this actor. His Marathi one-act play, Aaj Udya Kadhi - which won him the best play of Maharashtra award - attempts an answer. "It is about the unknown fear of living that most people grapple with all their lives. I feel it too but now I struggle with it better," he says.At 28, his list of achievements is long. But his to-do list is even longer. He says he is satisfied with his work but the pinnacle he is reaching for, still eludes him. "I have to get to that point. And I have to go beyond," he says screwing up his eyes, as if trying to look into the future to see his destination. This quest he says was instilled by Dubey. Mumbai based, Kadam started working with Dubey 10 years ago. And beforethat whatever he did, he dismisses. "Dubeyji taught me how to live a rich life besides how to act. He is my guru." And Kulkarni is very appreciative of the actor that Kadam is, "He has the right kind of mind for an actor. With Kishore you don't have to do any preparatory work like you have to with most actors." Also Kadam has made sure that he is fluent in Marathi, Hindi and English, which has given him the chance to work with some of the best Mumbai directors. As Kulkarni says, Kadam has sown all the right seeds, he just has to wait for the harvest time.
