“I am a journalist who always opposed any kind of emergency whether in India or at home imposed by my dictatorial wife,’’ I wailed.‘‘That’s not good enough,’’ said my ‘‘connected’’ friend taking a second look at my application for a nomination to the Rajya Sabha . ‘‘Aren’t you a Leftist, a pseudo-secular, Marxist Leninist journalist and one who has consistently supported all ruling establishments?’’‘‘But only as long as they last. I have always opposed Leftists in college and have always worn western clothes to counter their propaganda. If they wear a jhola I carry a lota,’’ I moaned.‘‘That’s just not enough. The leadership is keen only to have the right kind of intellectuals,’’ my friend argued, ‘‘Every bureaucrat who claimed he was a khadi Congressman now claims he was actually a closet knickerwallah. Journalists also in the queue claim they were jailed even before and after the emergency. There is no way we can check these claims .’’‘‘Please,’’ I pleaded with my friend, ‘‘all my ex-colleagues are either editors-in-chief, Rajya Sabha MPs, heads of TV channels — look what Rajya Sabha will do to my image.’’‘‘OK. OK,’’ said my friend cutting me short, ‘‘The inside story is the party wants to be certain about the ‘intellectual’ level of a nominated Rajya Sabha member. I will give you two sample questions if you answer them you are in. You must be wondering why on earth Dara Singh was nominated to the Rajya Sabha.’’‘‘Yes precisely,’’ I retorted. I think it was stupid.’’‘‘Now answer the question,’’ roared my friend, ‘‘Dara Singh was selected as a Rajya Sabha MP because of: a) his contribution in the field of astro-science being the first Hindu to fly in space when he played the role of Hanuman in the serial Ramayan.b) He lifted Mumtaz with one finger in a movie in the sixties.c) With Dara Singh in the treasury benches no opposition leader dare raise his voice in any debate.Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. I was sweating. Finally I said, ‘‘the answer is ‘c’.’’‘‘Absolutely right,’’ beamed my friend, ‘‘I think you are in sync with the party leadership. Do you want to proceed?’’‘‘Obviously. But please don’t ask me why film industry’s dream girl Hema Malini secured a nomination,’’ I pleaded.‘‘We also don’t know for sure. But I think it was a computer error. Someone told the party leadership that Vajpayee is having a ‘dream run’ after the Parliament debate. By the time word went down the party apparatus it was assumed that Vajpayee wants the ‘dream girl’ as the Rajya Sabha candidate in Parliament,’’ explained my friend, ‘‘but let’s move on to the next question.’’‘‘What is the ASI?’’a) A new Pakistani intelligence agency.b) A quality standards organisation that maintains the pesticides limit in colas and water.c) An organisation that was originally digging for metro underground rail but ended up discovering a temple below a mosque in Ayodhya.‘a’ was my answer.‘‘You have passed,’’ opined my friend. ‘‘I did not realise that you had a grasp of current events too. As an add-on to your CV why don’t you take up some body building classes .by the way, can you run around trees and sing?’’‘‘But, why?’’ I asked visualising a dance number with scores of trees around Parliament House.‘‘We believe in selecting robust men and women,’’ replied my friend. ‘‘And finally, you better catch up on the arts,’’ he concluded as he turned to his DVD to watch a Basanti dance in the latest Sholay re-mix.
