The Crying Game

THREE hundred diapers for the first month,8217;8217; smiled counsellor Niloufer Ebrahim, as a bunch of to-be moms and dads gasped at the financial and waste management implications of that number. 8216;8216;Don8217;t go by their angelic looks8212;babies are strong. Of course, you will realise that on day two, when they bite your nipples,8217;8217; she continued. I shivered and stole a look at my husband Kunal. 8216;8216;I8217;ll just watch,8217;8217; he whispered. Let the baby come, I told myself, the midnight feeds will definitely keep him awake.

My mother had warned me the first trimester nausea would be the easy part, but like always, I preferred being in denial. So when a friend suggested prenatal classes happily called Positively Pregnant, at Pune8217;s Jehangir Hospital, I thought I was prepared.

It was a Saturday evening when my husband and I8212;portly, yet cool in my maternity dress8212;joined a peer group of mostly first-time parents in their late 20s and early 30s. Quite a few dads had made time. 8216;8216;We insist that fathers-to-be are involved in the entire process. In fact, we even encourage grandparents-to-be to come along,8217;8217; said Ebrahim. That explained the benign older lady in the first row. We took our back bench position.

8216;8216;Why do we massage babies?8217;8217; asked Ebrahim. We stared right back. Then a tiny voice volunteered, 8216;8216;It8217;s good for the baby8217;s growth.8217;8217; 8216;8216;No! Don8217;t believe people who say it8217;s good for bone development. It is the feel-good factor, the same reason for the mother8217;s post-delivery massage,8217;8217; she said, and was rewarded with murmurs of enlightenment.

Traditionally, a bai would have come home to maalish both mother and baby. The details involved in such an appointment would have included8212;at best8212;random questions about background, experience and her progeny. But that apparently is the old way. According to Ebrahim: 8216;8216;Do a lot of checking around. You wouldn8217;t want the baby to catch anything, would you?8217;8217; 8216;8216;What do we do?8217;8217; I whispered to Kunal. 8216;8216;Check out the bai8217;s home, and then figure out if we want to hire her?8217;8217; he countered.

The second session provided some food for thought. When do you introduce solids into a baby8217;s diet? Obviously after the teeth appear, my smart husband mumbled. The correct answer: After four months, start the baby on rice and dal water, nachani paste and rice kheer cow8217;s milk, with a little sugar. Later, add spoon-mashed peas, potatoes, moong dal khichri and fruits. Don8217;t pureacute;e anything in a mixer and do not try to force-feed.

A happy, well-coordinated mother sitting in the front passenger seat with a gurgling, well-fed baby on her lap. They wave at an asphyxiating crowd in a bus. That was my dream. 8216;8216;How can you think of putting the baby between you and danger?8217;8217; asked Ebrahim. We felled our heads in shame. Invest in a car seat, we were corrected. In case of whiplash, it minimises the chances of damaging a baby8217;s neck and head.

Then came the exercises. I clasped my palms in front of my chest and using them as breast support, did a few minutes of deep breathing. No clue how that helped the baby, but it felt good.

Finally, it was time for the one thing I8217;m bound to lack in the coming months, even years8212;relaxation. Us mothers plonked down and stretched our legs. The dads were instructed to gently move their hands up and down our legs and growing tummies. Kunal obeyed and since it was an exercise, he had no option but to press my feet as well. The joys of motherhood.

Apparently, the next class is on labour. I think I8217;ll give it a miss and wait for the real pain.