Sniper fire in the newsroom

But today you walk right into an unexpected combination. A Leslie, Jain motherf***er and Digs triumvirate, a f***ing rear para assault …

But your battlefield acumen makes you a worthy opponent. Right now it’s not the magazine’s interests you are worried about. You are concerned that your ace in the hole, the tape that you hold on the defence minister, is common editorial knowledge. Jolly has f***ed up. She has gone and talked to Digs about the tape. Digs get overexcited when he smells a scoop …

Right now he is arguing that The Post should get on with the raw tape, and nail Defence Minister Suresh Yadav. There’s also economics at work. The timing of the next issue, where Digs wants his scoop in banner headlines. It’s the anniversary issue and with all the hoopla planned for it, plus the ABC media audit coming up, Digs wants a steroid boost in the works, to take the circulation soaring above the five-digit mark.

What’s heating you up on the inside is Leslie throwing his hat in the ring, aligning himself with the trouble-shooters. A stab in the back from someone you were responsible for bringing in. Jain is new to the game. He’s swinging along for the fun of it. He’s too blind to see the fist you were preparing to shove up his ass, to split him in two.

The highest form of generalship, you have read in Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, is to prevent the junction of the enemy’s forces. Along with that, you plan to generate a few allies of your own, try to increase your numbers.

‘A problem we will have if we want to run the tape the next issue is what to drop,’ you say. You consult the printing form in your hand. ‘We will have to drop four pages of crime. Can you do that, Mukherjee? Condense your story to three pages?’ …

You know that Mukherjee’s crime story is very dear to him. He has been nurturing it for two months, building his file on politicians with mafia connections. He has had to contend with the frustration of seeing Digs put the story on hole on two occasions and just when he thought he was past any last-minute hurdles, some tape looms large to screw his seven-page investigative report to three piddly pages.

You, of course, have a few other Machiavellian considerations in drawing Mukherjee into the field of mayhem. You have given allowance for the ethnic ramifications it will allow you to create. Having Mukherjee on your side allows you to pick up the Bengali votes in the conference hall, and there were two in crucial positions to blow some wind into your sail. Saurabh Sen, the news co-ordinator, and Mahesh Deb, who as production manager was vital to your immediate strategy, where you were attacking the triumvirate not on editorial grounds but on the sheer impracticality of their logistics …

‘Absolutely not,’ says Mukherjee. ‘News Today is working on a similar story. I don’t want us to come out after them, specially when we have racked it earlier.’

You look at the form with new concentration. ‘Then I don’t see how we can squeeze in the tape unless we drop four advertisements in first form,’ you say. Any mention of dropping advertisements hits Digs in the lower guts. The wind gasps out of his frame. You feel you have your flanks covered adroitly. But Jain, the motherf***er, is on a suicide mission.

‘I won’t mind if you held back four of my pages. You can junk the Bangalore crash,’ says Jain. He’s willing for his pages to be taken out. You figure either the guy wants your ass bad or he’s plain dumb.

‘What’s it about?’ asks Digs. That’s Digs’s editorial hold. A story’s on form and he doesn’t know what it’s about.

‘It’s about software companies going bust,’ explains Jain.

‘Oh yeah,’ says Digs.

‘It would save time, too. The Bangalore courier is running late. We haven’t got the slides yet. The tape thing we can do with stock photos,’ says Leslie.

You feel the swing in momentum. But Mukherjee provides you some temporary covering fire.

‘But I think we should run the software story. The Singapore delegation is coming to town next week. They have invested over a billion dollars in Bangalore’s software set-up. Besides, did you read Bill Gates’s interview, Jain?’

Jain feels the need to take off his glasses. As business editor he is supposed to know these things. Not have a political badass like Mukherjee take him blind.

‘Ahem,’ he goes. ‘What interview?’ He wipes his glasses on his tie. You figure he wouldn’t be so prized an a**e if he didn’t come wearing a tie. It sets the tone against him.

Mukherjee likes to rub these things in. Get the salt in while he can.

‘Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it,’ he says with shock. ‘It was all over the Net. It was this live Internet session he had with some college guys. He mentioned Bangalore as the next destination for the software industry … If the facts are right in your story and you can really show that the software industry might go bust, you have a story, pal. The right time to do it would be when the Chinese are here from Singapore. Make a lot of noise. But I don’t know how strong you are on the facts.’ …

You aren’t so sure whether there is really a delegation coming and even if the interview wasn’t a rapid creation of Mukherjee’s imagination. But right now the triumvirate was ducking under his armour-piercing slugs …

‘Let’s run the tape stuff. We will club it with the air force story. What do you think, MM?’ asks Digs.

Mukherjee throws a glance at you. You sense the ball is in your court.

‘It’s OK by me, except I was thinking on a slightly different line, Mr Mehra,’ you say. Mukherjee’s covering fire has given you some time to reorganise your editorial geopolitik. ‘I was thinking, instead of running the tape cover we could go instead with the sex survey in our anniversary issue. It’s bound to be a hit, Mr Mehra, specially with the kind of statistics we have. Also, if we don’t run it this issue, News Today would be stumping us to it. They have got wind of our survey and are getting MARG to do one for them. Let’s drop the Bangalore story and the letters and run a seven-page sex survey as cover.’

You can see Leslie panicking. You place the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle. Leslie’s coming out into the open to root for the tape becomes clearer every second. He has seen you come into the meeting with the sex survey and he doesn’t have his layouts ready …

Digs chews on this awhile. Leslie sweats.

‘I think it’s a great anniversary idea,’ says Mukherjee.

‘Yeah, it’s going to be a sell-out,’ says Deb …

‘It would be great timing, MM, but my only concern is that we might not be able to do justice to it in just seven pages. We need at least five more to make an impact. Let’s not piss off a great spread in a hurry,’ says Leslie. He still has fight left in him …

‘I think let’s go for both,’ says Digs. Nobody in your knowledge can set different people on the route to a coronary faster than Digs.

‘Both?’ asks Leslie. There is still fog around.

You feel the need to tap your third Marlboro out. Get a puff of nicotine to boost your brainpower.

‘Yes, let’s run the sex survey as well as the tape,’ says Digs.

Deb pales. ‘We don’t have the space for both, sir,’ he says. ‘We would have to drop a lot of advertisements.’

‘Who’s talking about dropping advertisements? Let’s add more editorial pages,’ says Digs …

‘That would be a cost overrun of 11 lakh, sir. We could end up a little late on the stands,’ says Deb …

The blood withdraws from Dig’s face. ‘If it’s to be done it’s to be done,’ he says. He makes a brave face. You figure it’s time to bail him out …

‘You see, Mr Mehra, I have despatched the tape for a VMA. They don’t do that kind of stuff in India. There’s a laboratory in Phoenix, Arizona … The earliest we can have a positive confirmation is within a fortnight’ …

‘VMA? What’s that?’ asks Digs

‘Oh, sorry. That’s a Voice Match Analysis. The intelligence agencies do it all the time,’ you explain.

Nothing this fancy has ever happened in Digs’s journalistic career. He is intimidated …

‘How much does it cost?’ asks Digs. You, of course, don’t want to take any chances with Digs’s stinginess. You have it all worked out.

‘It’s not costing us anything. I have a friend from schooldays working as a technician there. He’s doing it free for us. Otherwise, I think they have a flat fee of $ 1,500,’ you say. Digs beams at you …

Your coup is, however, incomplete right now. Leslie’s just returned from a month-long stint at Time, New York, where Digs sponsored his stay to see how the design department worked. Digs was planning on a design overhaul a year into the stands.

‘When do we get to see the dummy design?’ you ask Leslie. The dummy design has become a sore issue with Digs. Leslie’s overshot on his deadline by a month. He tightens up, gears for the assault.

‘Just got a few more pages to crack. We are developing a gutter design for the news pages. It’s taking time,’ says Leslie…

Digs breaks up the meeting and says to Leslie, ‘Could I have a look at the sex survey layouts? I will be out of office for a couple of days.’

Nothing like coming out of an editorial meeting with all the blood sticking elsewhere.

(Extracted with permission from Faber & Faber)