Pervez Musharraf was his charming, urbane self when I met him for a quick interview in his office at Army House, Rawalpindi. The general seems to be in a mood for interviews and was willing to explain himself to anybody who is willing to listen, including his pet Pekinese dogs. He had, in fact, just finished an exhaustive, hour-long interview, expanding at length on his strategy to save Pakistan’s democracy, to the seven-year-old reporter from the local Tiny Tots Tattler, when I was shown in.The general sat behind a massive rosewood table, the two-dozen medals adorning his left lapel glinting impressively under the chandeliers.MUSHARRAF: Asalaam alaiqum. You from India? Sit down, sit down. Okay shoot. ME: Beg your pardon, General? (alarmed at the prospect of a military engagement). MUSHARRAF: Arrey, ask your questions. Make it quick. I am meeting at least 40 journalists today to explain my secret strategy to save Pakistani democracy. ME: (With great tentativeness) General, the whole world wants to know when you plan to shed your uniform. MUSHARRAF: Maaf karna, excuse me, but this is a third-rate question. Shed my uniform, shed my uniform? Arrey, how can I, Musharraf, shed my uniform just like that? Would that not be positively indecent? How will a conservative society like Pakistan’s accept a general without his uniform? Think madam, think. I only want to spare Pakistan’s sentiments and feelings . .. ME (hastily interrupting him): No, no, General! What I meant was when are you giving up the post of army chief, as you promised? MUSHARRAF: Ah, the post of army chief. Well, it could be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, next decade . .. ME: Okay, got the picture. But what about the poor judges of the Supreme Court whom you have arrested? MUSHARRAF: The judges of the Supreme Court are fully functional and are preparing to allow me to hold all three offices even as we speak. ME: What three offices? I thought you hold only two offices, that of army chief and president. MUSHARRAF: Well you are behind the news, Madam. I have, as of the last half hour, become chief justice of Pakistan.ME (weakly): Oh, congratulations, General. MUSHARRAF: Thank you, thank you. Next question. ME: So elections are on course, I presume. MUSHARRAF: Two hundred per cent. Madam, you are speaking to the saviour of Pakistan’s democracy. You think I am liking this emergency? How can a true democrat like me enjoy imposing martial law, sorry, emergency? But do I have a choice? I have to struggle 24 hours, seven days a week, guarding Pakistan’s democracy, with only those police chaps to help. ME: That’s extremely noble of you, General, if I may say so. By the way, what’s the deal with Benazir? MUSHARRAF: We have a perfect arrangement. She struggles for democracy from within her home, I support democracy from outside her home. ME (drily): Yes, that arrangement seems to be working perfectly from what I can gather. So when precisely will elections take place? MUSHARRAF: Tomorrow, next week, next month, next decade . . . We still have to offer the hospitality of the state to some elements who may still imagine they can win an election. How can persons suffering from such delusions lead our great country? ME: Quite right, General. MUSHARRAF: So once we arrest them and clean up the system, we can hold elections. But only under the emergency, mind you. We need perfect calm for a perfect democratic result. ME: Of course, General, of course. And you will win of course. MUSHARRAF: Inshallah, Madam, Inshallah! Any more questions? ME: No, General, you have removed all my doubts. MUSHARRAF: Good, from now on you stand expelled from this country. Khuda hafiz.
