Neo Sports has some very good ideas; then again, it has some very poor ones. The good it did was hiring Murali Kartik as an expert commentator; this allowed Mahendra Singh Dhoni to catch sight of him on the dressing room TV and summon him from the studio to the field. Wish Dhoni had watched Neo Sports earlier — we might have beaten the Australians at their own game (and theirs it is to lose). The bad it’s done is to find no replacement for Kartik, leaving Michael Slater to play a lone hand. As we all know, cricket is a team game, so soon enough Slater runs out of partners, sorry, comments and we have to, hastily, break for another commercial. If channels insist on a solo performances, there’s only one candidate for the job: with Navjot Singh Sidhu, you can dispense with the services of commentators, anchors and studio experts. He’s a mouthful — rather like a club sandwich. Here’s a suggestion for Neo Sports: it may like to dedicate its latest promo to Bharat Gas, Diwali or the disabled. Because it sure doesn’t belong on Neo Sports. You know the one? There’s this old man in a wheelchair clearly suffering from a stroke, Alzheimer’s, old age — all three. His family is playing with fire: daughter-in-law leaves the cooking gas on in the kitchen and bustles off, the son is busy on the telephone playing with what looks like a lighter, his wife is trying to strike a match to light up her puja diya and the son is shooting from a toy pistol with ammo. The old man eyes the gas range and then his incendiary family with growing panic — ‘Constant Tension’, comes up the caption, ‘India-Pakistan November 5’. Neo has a childish weakness for shock value, outrageous black humour — remember the West Indians promos? Those were witty; this is simply silly, insensitive and cruel to the old. Grow up, Neo. Two other things: the number of times Tendulkar, Shah Rukh, Rahul Gandhi, were on camera during 20:20, you’d think they were in next to bat. Also a degree of intelligence in young Archana’s questions, puhlease. During 20twenty, she asked Dinesh Kartik: was the run out of Symonds good for India? Wish Kartik had replied, no, it was bad for Australia! News channels are no better. Witness their childish, nay, unholy glee when Saif Ali Khan appeared hand in hand with Kareena Kapoor at India Fashion Week and said in reply to the umpteenth tabloid question about the status of their relationship: “Clearly, we are together.” “And happy?” asked a voice dripping with Breaking News eagerness. “Yes, very happy,” Saif replied happily. Bas, the news broadcasters went beserk, giving his quotable quote headlines. Not one channel was immune to the charms of the charming couple. Why, Times Now went so far as to call its coverage of the off screen pairing, “Deconstructing Saif and Kareena”, as though film stars becoming ‘an item’ is a sociological riddle worthy of such big words. Reporter Indu actually — and seriously — discussed how long the relationship would last, much in the same way as her senior colleagues would have the longevity of the UPA government and its relationship with the communists. Her diagnosis? Well, in her considered opinion Saif was not the marrying kind so. Now we know: Saif and the Communists. Thank you, Indu. At least she brought a smile to our faces, despairing, but still a smile. So few do that. It is therefore, with great pleasure that we watch Sony’s Jhalak Dikhla Ja, the one talent show that doesn’t have judges beating their breasts when they’re not at each others throats, and contestants who know loosing isn’t a tragedy — it’s a release from a punishing dance practise schedule! No, honestly, from hosts Rahul and Jassi, sorry Mona, judges Shiamak, Urmila and Jeetu to all the dancing debutants, they’re having fun. Watch it.
