Being neither a ‘‘byte reporter’’ nor a ‘‘bark reporter’’ — with apologies to friends in the Left — I was at a loose end. I had wanted the inside story on the goings on in the RSS-BJP, but everywhere they said I would be denied access unless I worked for television.‘‘Well,’’ said the man at the gate of the RSS convention, ‘‘you will have no access. The first qualification to report correctly on the BJP-RSS is that you should know nothing about it.’’I went home dejected. Normally, my Man Friday, Mukul, would have given his spin on the BJP. But he left on his annual pilgrimage to watch the Wimbledon, and extended his leave now that London is hosting the 2012 Olympics.With some difficulty, I managed to catch hold of Sudheendra Kulkarni, the former Advani aide and the man in the news — the one man who should know something.Kulkarni, courteous as usual, agreed to meet me. His only condition was that whatever he said should only appear in my humour column because the RSS never reads anything humourous.‘‘The RSS believes that humour was imported by the British to divide the Hindus,’’ explained Kulkarni.‘‘What is happening in the party?’’ I asked. ‘‘How will the BJP revive itself?’’‘‘The BJP is trying its best,’’ was the reply. ‘‘The Ayodhya attack by terrorists is an ideal opportunity. Mr Advani has asked why Ayodhya was chosen over any other temple. It’s because Ayodhya is a symbol of Indian nationalism. The BJP wants to highlight the fact that this is because the UPA government is soft on terrorists.’’‘‘Does that mean that the BJP-led NDA was also soft on terrorists when the attacks Akshardham and Parliament took place?’’ I wondered.‘‘Don’t ask me, ask the BJP,’’ retorted Kulkarni. ‘‘I have resigned. Nobody listens to be any longer.’’‘‘How did this come about?’’ I asked. ‘‘Is it because your views on Jinnah were for Advani’s eyes only?’’‘‘No,’’ came the reply. ‘‘Advani felt that by highlighting Jinnah’s secular thoughts we would get the support of Muslims in India as well.’’‘‘I get the feeling that this was to hit out at young leaders like RSS chief Sudarshan who wanted BJP elders to quit the party,’’ I opined.‘‘God only knows. I am just a speech writer you know, like Janardhan Dwivedhi was for Sonia Gandhi at one time,’’ said Kulkarni.‘‘You mean you also translate,’’ I asked, taken aback.‘‘Of course I am more than a translator,’’ said Kulkarni. ‘‘For four years, I was studying the Congress. I have come to the conclusion that the BJP should also have a family that is supreme in the party.’’‘‘Is this why you wanted the Advani family to be in Pakistan?’’ I ventured.‘‘Of course. You see, there is only the Sangh Parivar, there is no Nehru-Gandhi Parivar here,’’ argued Kulkarni.‘‘I am told that the only voice Congressmen are scared of is Sonia’s inner voice,’’ I said.‘‘That’s precisely the problem. How can the BJP prosper? It has no family name, no one who has sacrificed for the country and no inner voice,’’ moaned Kulkarni. ‘‘What is worse is that while Congressmen listen to only one inner voice — Sonia’s, in the BJP, we don’t know which inner voice to turn to — the Vishwa Hindu Parishad, the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh or our own.’’
