Apart from the strings of love, it is possibly the fear of loneliness that leads people to tie the nuptial knot. Society too encourages this and frowns upon those who willingly seek to defy tradition. Staying single therefore becomes fraught with many problems for both sexes. However women who opt to remain single, staying on their own, and living life as it happens, are looked upon as aberrations in a male dominated society. For, while society accepts women who have remained spinsters because of a lack of suitors, it is generally looked upon as inconceivable that a woman might wish to stay alone out of choice.Living alone has never been easy. However for the women who chose to stay alone, it is not the absence of companionship that is bothersome, but the other problems that society forces them to face. It is almost as if society were making them pay for non-conformity. Shaila Joshi, a journalist, chose to give her career more importance. She returned to Pune after a long stint in Mumbai choosing to remain single at the age of 36. Returning to Pune after 16 years, she finds the place ``positively parochial.'' Says Joshi, ``people seem to think that there must be a man in the next room. Mumbai is definitely better. People respect you for the work you do, it is very professional.''The problem is typical. While society looks askance at men living alone, giving in to the dictum that perhaps `boys will remain boys', it is the women who must strive to adhere to old norms. A single woman staying on her own, of her own conscious choice, becomes a vulnerable target. ``I get harassed a lot here - from the doodhwalla, the plumber, the paperwallah. they come at any odd time and keep asking me to cough up more money. Here people automatically assume that if there is a man in the house, a woman does not have to face such problems. It is a very ridiculous attitude,'' says Joshi.Shewta Sharma, a software professional living with her mother, faces a similar problem. ``In Mumbai, it depends on the quality of work whether it is a man or a woman. Here, the first thing people ask me is why I haven't got married. Or then, they ask my mother,'' says Sharma now 32. For Sharma, it was her career which took precedence, and marriage was not something on the cards.Ruchira Sen chose not to get married so she could look after her mother. She now holds a prominent corporate job in the hotel industry. Being single though while not affecting matters in the board room, does definitely pose a problem on the social front. ``I always seem to get passed up for parties and other `couples only' functions. At times it does get a bit disconcerting and embarrassing. That is an unfair disadvantage,'' says Sen. Surprisingly there is more peer pressure than parental pressure. The stress is inevitably on finding a partner. However it is the parents who are more supportive of their offspring and the choice they decide to make. Says Joshi, ``My parents have always been supportive. They realise that whether it is a boy or a girl, they both need space. Though we stay in the same city, I chose to live in my flat. It is easier for us, and they are always there whenever I need them.''The feeling of independence is strong. Ashwathy Pillai, a social worker and activist who took the decision to remain single early in life has no regrets. She believes ``life has to be lived, single or otherwise.'' Says Pillai, ``I enjoy the freedom I have. I can get up or sleep whenever I like, or do certain things at any odd time. In a family, such behaviour would be disruptive and odd.''However women like Pillai are few. Most consider it a sad quirk of fate, that passed them over in the marriage market. They prefer not to speak about it, giving into society's qualms of discussing such a taboo subject. For the others who remain undaunted, being single is merely a status quo - one that in no way interferes in the normal living of daily life. It is only society which always seeks to question why?
