‘Ol’ for a laugh

You can take the man out of diplomacy but not diplomacy out of the man. If certain people in the government thought ex-oil minister Mani Shankar Aiyar could hardly turn sports and youth affairs into a parallel foreign service— the logic was that you can’t take long trips in Central Asia looking for, say, gymnastics coaches—they better think again. Diplomats from Romania, Cuba, Sri Lanka and even the biggie, China, have met Aiyar to firm up joint ventures in talent spotting and training. There are talks of an international coordination cell being formed in this hitherto somewhat humble department. A Dep Sec is supposed to head the new exciting job. A Joint Sec may be drafted in later. And since

Aiyar has been invited to visit Cuba, Romania, China, etc—these trips, please note, require senior officials to accompany the minister—how long before a long trip to Central Asia?

Mani goes round II

Murli Deora, Aiyar’s successor in the Oil Ministry, isn’t an instinctive diplomatic schmoozer. Neither is he keen on displaying oratorical gifts. Aiyar would instruct his officers to list parliamentary questions on petroleum first during question hour, so that there was enough time for ministerial witty asides. Deora wants oil PQs listed as low as possible. By then, either there’s too little time to answer them or, even better, no time at all.

Joke’s on Marx?

God had comprehensively failed for Gerhard Schroeder—the ex-German chancellor was a Marxist in his youth and matured into a market-respecting social democrat. But Schroeder is not a fan of Bush (the feeling is entirely reciprocated by the American). So, it could be for either reason—enjoying a dig at Marxists or chuckling when someone mentions anti-Bush protests—that the German was all smiles when L K Advani had an impassioned go at India’s Marxists at the India Today Conclave over the weekend. Advani was lamenting what he argued was the Left’s conflation of secular and not-so-secular protests against George Bush.

River sutra

He’s trying to clean up one of the world’s greatest rivers. So, he probably has the right perspective on the ebb and flow of human motives and actions. Veer Bhadra Mishra, priest-in-chief of Varanasi’s Sankatmochan temple, insists that last week’s bombs are no reason to turn the temple into a security fortress. Mishra, a hydraulics engineer by training, doesn’t want devotees to be frisked. He is also keen that the temple, rather than the state, manages its own security. So far, it has been a tough battle. But Mishra is used to it. Over the past 25 years, Mishra, who also teaches at the BHU, has been trying to get people to understand how important cleaning the Ganga is for them. His morning ablutions are done in the river—a message to everyone who avoids it. He runs a small lab at Tulsighat to monitor water quality. Readings are taken thrice a day and figures haven’t changed for the better all these years.

Fishing for answers

Kerala is the unusual and interesting venue for India-China boundary talks. Executive Vice-Minister Dai Bingguo is leading the Chinese team and his Kerala sojourn will include encounters with such delights as karimeen. Apparently, this trademark Kerala cuisine item was considered delicious by the Chinese—quite a while back, in the 1st century BC, when China and the Indian subcontinent’s southern tip had close trade relations. Don’t credit the foreign service with finding such an interesting departure from stuffy diplomatic practices. National Security Adviser M K Narayanan, head of the Indian delegation at the border talks, came up with the idea. Where in Kerala will they pore over the maps? Where else but Kumarakom, the preferred resort of VVIPs ever since Atal Bihari Vajpayee mused his holiday away there.

Heart of the matter

If you run into Madan Das Devi, the RSS joint secretary, don’t ask after his health. Don’t especially ask how his heart is coping with stress. Devi is hyper keen to take the job left vacant by Sanjay Joshi. The job of general secretary (organisation) is a plum one in the BJP, second only in importance and clout to the party president’s. But every time Devi puts in an application, his ‘‘well wishers’’ in the Sangh tell him his recent stroke and the consequent medical advice on avoiding stress make it imperative that he stay away from the job. Devi, of course, thinks his health is no bar. He also reckons his well wishers aren‘t what they seem. But so far his heart has ruled over the Sangh leadership’s head.

Mind our language

Can you see, say, a Midwestern American watching CNN and, on encountering an India tourism ad carrying the legend Atithi devo bhava, jumping up in excitement and rushing to book holidays to India? Can you see this happening with any other putative foreign tourist? The Tourism Ministry can. Its ad, playing on BBC and CNN, is built around this line from the Upanishads. It is not as if it is Murli Manohar Joshi running tourism under the UPA. Then why this puzzling assumption that Sanskrit is a global language? The Upanishad line roughly translates as ‘‘a guest is like God’’. But not even our ancient forbears assumed the guest as a linguist. One solution may be to provide translations in the Tourism Ministry ad. But whoever reads fine print in advertising?

Total recall

New Zealand is not a country normally on the MEA’s radar. But Wellington was big news in South Block recently. Our man there was called over here and asked never to go back there. Diplomatic sacks are not common. But Harish Kumar Dogra, the sacked high commissioner, has the distinction of having twice featured in such dramas. A 1972 batch IFS officer, he was in Istanbul as consul general seven years ago when he was recalled. Evidently, things can get much more naughty in Turkey than in New Zealand. The Istanbul disciplinary action required the whole lot of diplomats there being called back. From Wellington, only Dogra was summoned. Among those celebrating his departure are members of the Indian community in New Zealand.

Buddha watcher

Big Sister is watching. Worse, she is photographing. The new face of Buddhadeb Bhattacharya’s security is a woman officer so conscientious in her duty that she is almost redefining it. The national media’s first experience with her was disconcerting (for the journos, not for her). After she had shepherded Buddha to the CPI(M) Politburo meeting in Delhi, she whisked out a camera and trained it on the print and TV reporters gathered at the party HQ. This unnerved the media. Was she also listening in, asked some journos. Conversation quickly stopped whenever she came round. What would she do with the photographs, was the most asked question that day.

What’s in a name?

Haryana is currently a battleground of names: Devi Lal vs the Nehru-Gandhis. When the INLD was in power, everything under the sun seemed to bear the name of the late chief minister, the father of the then chief minister Om Prakash Chautala. So there was, for example, the Panipat Tau Devi Lal Power Plant. Now that the Congress is in power and Chief Minister Bhupinder Singh Hooda wants to be in 10 Janpath’s good books, re-christening is rampant. If you are looking for that power plant in Panipat now, ask for the Indira Power Plant. And don’t ask for an old-age benefits programme named after Tau Devi Lal. It is now a scheme with a Rajiv moniker.

Tailpiece

Bade ho kar kya banega, asked Rahul Gandhi during his maiden speech in Parliament. At least one child is growing up with a firm answer to the question: Nanaji jaisa pilot banunga is the answer, and it comes from Rehan Gandhi Vadra, nephew to Rahul, son of Priyanka, grandson of Rajiv and Sonia. The Nanaji reference is to Rajiv. Nehru-Gandhi critics, please don’t fly to conclusions: the pilot reference is to running planes, not the country.