Doctors bury their blunders, but governments must parade them. Or that is what I have always believed. They must festoon their monumental mistakes with buntings, mount them on gun carriages and take them down Raj Path on Republic Day amidst the bugle blowers, the bagpipers and the drum beaters.This way the nation could get itself a brand new parade, a well-deserved break from the usual frog-marching uniforms and shivering schoolchildren and it would make for greater transparency of governance. Besides, who knows, the rest of us may even begin to feel good about them, because there's nothing like a good, foot-stomping, flag-waving parade to feel well and truly patriotic.I have, therefore, taken considerable time and effort to work out a series of Republic Day tableaux to capture the spirit of eight months of BJP rule.TABLEAU NUMBER ONEA fine balance, if I may borrow the title of Rohinton Mistry book, is what constitutes the essence of this government. So how is this splendid unity indiversity, this great stability in instability, to be conveyed visually? I thought long and hard about this and came up with a human pyramid formation. To pull it off would need some practice certainly, but the acrobatic prowess of this government is legendary.Forming the base of the pyramid will be Dr J.Jayalalitha and Didi Mamata. They hold up the next tier composed of Ramakrishna Hegde, Navin Patnaik and Balasaheb Thackeray. Perched delicately on this lot will be George Fernandes, Jaswant Singh and Pramod Mahajan. Then L.K.Advani may be persuaded to clamber on the shoulders of these able men, while Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajapayee perches comfortably on his home minister and flashes the `V' for victory sign to the nation.Think of the visual impact this would have as it slowly makes its way down Raj Path with the band playing the National Anthem in style and thousands of people on either side of the avenue waving little tricolours. A sight guaranteed to bring tears in every eye, I'd say. True, ifJayalalitha sneezes, the whole formation would collapse in a untidy heap, but that's a risk that even the government has to live with.TABLEAU NUMBER TWOA tableau honouring the contributions the Indian Navy has made to national prestige is, I think, in order, since it was our men in white who really made waves this time. Or rather, the women married to them. Think of Niloufer Bhagwat, in starched whites, sporting a formidable row of medals on her chest in keeping with her status as Chief of the Chief of Naval Staff. Imagine her manning the quarterdeck. Suddenly her eyes narrow, as she sights the enemy and fires the first salvo with legal precision. Everyone ducks for cover. Everyone that is, but the courageous Meena Singh, Chief Admirer of Vice Admiral Harinder Singh. Before anyone can say as much as ki gul hain ji?, she fires a salvo in return, as the seagulls around the Andaman Islands rise in a cloud of confusion. The answer is clear: she gul hain ji. Meanwhile the Indian Navylooks set to sink. To capture this memorable encounter on the high seas of controversy is difficult, I admit, but not impossible.TABLEAU NUMBER FOURWhat delights the state of Maharashtra has planned for the nation, I do not know. But I do hope that the assured pitch digging and glass smashing abilities of some of its denizens are duly represented during the parade. What about a huge pickaxe, with the legend - ``Diggers to the Nation''- boldly emblazoned on it. Or how about a larger-than-life version of the Prudential Cup, after Thackeray's men had worked on it? Nothing can better symbolise the Shiv Sena brand of patriotism than that surely.TABLEAU NUMBER THREEWhat does a vandalised church remind you of? Gujarat, of course, the state that had once given birth to Mahatma Gandhi, prophet of non-violence. But that was a long time ago.I believe that this year the state has chosen to display excavations from Dholavira, to provide viewers with a glimpse of the Great Indus ValleyCivilisation. This, I feel, does not do sufficient justice to the Great Bajrang Dal Civilisation, that the state is now the acknowledged seat of. I'd suggest therefore that it change its plans and have a burning chapel as the centrepiece of its tableau, with trishul-wielding, bandana-sporting Bajrang Dal activists burning Bibles around it. Such an image would capture all the drama and excitement that Gujarat has brought to our lives recently. Think of the excitement such a scene would create as it makes its way through the heart of Delhi to the strains of Sare Jehan Se Achcha.
