‘Burglaries at residences of members of Parliament on the increase’—a news item.‘‘The word from Dubai and Karachi is that ‘Bhai’ wants an end to all these burglaries,’’ announced the Don.‘‘But why?’’ asked Babloo, a life timer credited with half a dozen murders, extortion cases and arms smuggling. ‘‘These poor chaps have just started their careers. In fact one of these burglars has been handpicked by me for better assignments. I have put him on the fast track.’’ ‘‘It calls for some courage,’’ pointed out Billa, another convict charged with armed robbery. ‘‘These are men of the future, the generation next of crime. They have nerves of steel to rob the houses of MPs in spite of such heavy security.’’ ‘‘Why don’t you chaps understand?’’ yelled out the Don. ‘‘The Bhai met a prominent member of Parliament on a flight. He was overcome with grief when he heard his tale of woe. Not convinced? Listen to this tape.’’ The Don plays the tape. Bhai: ‘‘Let me express my heartfelt condolences for the tsunami tragedy.I’m after all still an Indian. Whatever happens in India, whether it is a bomb blast or a tsunami, always moves me.’’ MP: ‘‘But there is a bigger tragedy than tsunami that has hit MPs in Delhi. These repeated thefts at the residences of our colleagues. Bhai: ‘‘Surely you can speak to your Home Minister or your police commissioner. All the commissioners and IGPs I know are in jail in Bombay in some case or the other. Even the people I used to know in the ISI have disowned me.’’ MP: ‘‘Frankly we don’t know who to turn to. The police say this could be part of the monkey menace. You know monkeys are running riot in North and South Block.’’ Bhai: ‘‘You can never trust bureaucrats.’’ MP: ‘‘I am talking about real monkeys, they are a menace in Parliament House. Since many langurs have been employed to scare them off there is a theory that monkeys are taking their revenge on MPs. The other theory is that these are burglaries done by juveniles to falsely exaggerate claims that MPs’ houses are well-furnished, that there are lakhs of rupees there. The whole idea is to run down our MPs, our institutions and ensure people lose faith in the system. Bhai: ‘‘This smells of an ISI conspiracy.’’ MP: ‘‘Possible. We claim a 6 per cent rate of growth but look at our salaries. We have to house people from our constituencies, our telephone bills running into lakhs cannot be paid because we don’t have money, many of our friends are falsely accused of hobnobbing with criminals, the few who become ministers are accused of corruption.How can you function?’’ Bhai: ‘‘I didn’t know things were so bad.During my worst days in Dubai, when warrants were out against me, people wined and dined me, film stars loved me.No one humiliated me.’’ MP: ‘‘When some of us answered the call of the nation and sacrificed for a larger cause, the burglaries are a slap in our face. For us this is the ultimate tsunami.’’ End of the tape. ‘In a sensational development, ‘top’ sleuths of the Delhi police have arrested the monkeys responsible for the burglaries at residences of MPs. This was a result of a langur-monkey face-off. The langurs had shown over-zealousness in questioning errant monkeys caught chewing sensitive files in North Block’—a news item.
