You may have noticed that news is making news now, what with 24-hour news channels proliferating faster than rabbits do under optimum rabbit-proliferating conditions. At this rate, we may all find ourselves drowning in a never-ending stream of disembodied information and disparate visuals, spewing out of news channels that threaten to keep you up to date with every event, occurrence, happening, development on the face of the earth, by the minute, second, nanosecond.While this constant exposure to the ever-changing kaleidoscope of news events may have the effect of slowing turning your brain into something similar to paneer kofta, spare a thought for those poor minions who have to feed this hungry monster called a 24-hour news channel, 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week, 8,532 hours a year. Imagine them scouring the countryside for events like men biting dogs; projecting them as mind-shattering, headline-getting, attention-grabbing stuff; and then beaming them live to 49 million households around the country.Don’t be too surprised then if future news bulletins go something like this.News anchor (dressed in an Armani power suit with pearls to match): A warm welcome to our viewers. I am Meena Kumar bringing you the news. Breaking news has just come in from the home of Sunil Mehta who, we believe, has just brushed his teeth. Our special reporter, Rita Munna, is on the scene and has the full story. Let’s go straight to her. Rita, this is mind-boggling. We’ve just heard that Sunil Mehta has brushed his teeth. Can you confirm this?TV reporter (Hired principally for her ability to impart a breathless gush to everything she says): Oh hello, Meena. Yes, I have just confirmed this with my own eyes. Sunil Mehta has just gone into the bathroom with a toothbrush in his hand.News anchor: Rita, this is incredible. Can you describe, for the benefit of our viewers, the mood out there.TV reporter: Well, Meena, I’d say that the Mehtas are taking it well.News anchor: Could you describe the scene in the Mehta household?TV reporter: Well, Rita, the scene is pretty calm out here. There is a slight breeze blowing in from the window to my left. The newspaper boy has just delivered the newspaper. Mrs Mehta is boiling the milk in the kitchen..News anchor: Could you ask her, Rita, how she feels about her husband brushing his teeth?Reporter: She is looking extremely busy at this moment, but let me try. Mrs Mehta, how do you feel about your husband brushing his teeth?Mrs Mehta: Arrey, ji, my husband has always brushed his teeth in the morning, as far as I can remember. I also brush my teeth, but in the evening and morning. Chunnu, our 14-year-old daughter, also does it two times, ji.(Reporter nods furiously as if to egg her on to reveal more news.)Mrs Mehta: One thing, ji, I always tell my husband and daughter, don’t waste water. Finish the job quickly and turned the taps off completely.TV reporter (Breaking in excitedly): Mr Mehta, I believe, is coming out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth.News anchor: Quick, Rita, can you ask him what he feels about his encounter with a toothbrush, so that our viewers could share that experience with him.TV reporter: Okay Meena. Sir, sir, can you please tell us what you were feeling when you were brushing your teeth this morning?Mr Mehta: Just what I felt every morning for the last 50 years or so while cleaning my teeth. It has become something of a habit with me.TV reporter: So there you are, Meena, Mr Mehta has just told us that, for him, it is an everyday experience.News anchor: Thank you Rita. Now we will bring you exclusive footage on a hen laying an egg. It’s our Big Story of the Day..
