As you folks know, the American peepul (minus skum like Gays, Atheests and Liburals) voted me back as president of the greatist kuntry in the world on Wednsday. Mishun Akumplished! Mom told me to rite down my resolushions for my new term so that I dont forget them as time kinda moves on and here they are:• Furst thins furst: Thum nose at Dad. He dinna get a second term back in 92, like I did. This meens I am smartar than Dad, altho he thinks I aint (he is always misunderestimating me). Now he betta believ it. • Brush up my spellin so that Condi dusnt have to waist time korectin my spellin and I kan git to rite my own memorandiums instead of dependin on aids. • Bomb the livin daylites out of Falujar. We canna have terrirists in some bakyard holdin a great kuntry like America hostile. • Git them to take out that voise box Karl Rove fixed in my back. I dont have to do no TV debaits no more fo the rest of my life. Thank Jeesus. • Git Osama bin Hussein and bring him to justis (must thank him for gitting me elected by endorzing me on TV tho). • Git at Michael More fo making fun of me in his film. • Git at Bruce Springstin fo singin fo Kerry. • Git at Jak Chirak fo being a cheez eatin surender monkee. • Lern to spik like Dick Cheney and tink like Karl Rove. They sure are smart guys. • Give tax brakes to Hallyburton becos Dick says so. • Bom the livin daylites out of Airan, Koreya and Ceereeya becos Dick says so. • Divid Iraq into five zones. One fo Shell, one fo Exon, one fo Mobil, one fo Gulf, one fo Arco. • Go to church every Sunday with Laura and git the girls to wear somethin desent and kum with us. • Git them to fix my servis rekords permanantly fo posterity now that Im feimus. • Giv more money to the American peepul with money, by givin them tax brakes. Make no mistake, a tax brake is a great anecdote to a bad ekonomy. • Fix national defisit. Take it from 3 trillun dollars to 7 trillun dollars. • Bomb the livin deylites out of the stem cell guys and aborshion guys. • Git them to bring war crimnals to justis by persecuting them. • Finsh reeding ‘My Pet Goat’. It is takin too much of my valubal time now that I haf to be president agen. • Git them to fix those lesbyans in San Fransesco. America does not want mor gay mariajes. • Fite AIDS in the White House. • Git Laura to stok up on Pretzels. • Giv every home in America a gun and Bibel to increase securty aginst terrirists. • Git them to fix trainer wheels fo my mounten bike. • Git reddy for the job and be suksessful, as opposed to failure. God bles America.
