She's 46 years old, and she’s turned into the Norma Desmond of the doll world, mesmerised by her own glam past, running out of everything but delusion and attitude.Legions of Mattelistas have gone through Barbie boot camp, brainstorming, straining to put some freshness back into the Barb. The results? She’s gone through Mattel staff like Donald Trump. Now it’s Neil Friedman’s turn in the Barbie box. He’s the third head of Mattel brands in five years, and he is on a quest to, as he puts it, put the “wow” back in Barbie. Me, I think there’s no “wow” to revive. Only “ow.” I come to bury Barbie, not to praise her.She’s been through reinventions and reincarnations and re-imaginings. Now it’s time for decommissioning America’s doll.Barbie is one of only 34 toys in the National Toy Hall of Fame, right between alphabet blocks and the bicycle. She’s had one hell of a run. Her shape is as recognisable as the Coke bottle. She could symbolize anything you want her to — couture culture, slavering consumerism, a fetishistic youth-and-boobs society. She has become a publicly traded commodity, like gold and pork bellies. Collectors don’t regard her as a toy but as a plastic T-bill, to be locked away and cashed in at the right moment.Barbie has been beyond big, an instantly recognizable icon — Mickey Mouse with a D cup. But Mattel was loath to acknowledge that “big” cuts both ways. It kept filing lawsuits to stop people from playing off the symbolic Barbie with artworks and parodies — until the courts told Mattel to put a sock in it. Barbie is as much fair game as the president of the United States. So a Danish band could go ahead and sing, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world/Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!/You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.” And artist Tom Forsythe could go ahead with his “Food Chain Barbie” photo series — Barbie whirring in a blender, Barbie as enchilada filling, Barbie fondued.The nail in Barbie’s grotesquely proportioned coffin is last winter’s study by a British university about how ferociously little girls mutilate their Barbies, just for fun. They scalp them and dismember them and burn them and microwave them. Frankly, Barbie had it coming. She’s just too unreal.Excerpted from ‘Kill Barbie’ by Patt Morrison in the ‘LA Times’
