The daily news is usually full of stories about loss. Take this week's main stories. Drought in Rajasthan and Gujarat. Fire in Bharatpur. A family of four murdered by unknown assailants. A train crash in Indonesia. Most of us have compassion fatigue from reading about quite so much trouble. But read we must, for we are part of it all, haunted by how the afflicted are going to deal with it. Especially the `lost-forever' loss, which is a funny, wounding business that won't go away. That's why it's so heartening to occasionally learn of those who face up to certain other kinds of loss and do fight back.For instance, the young Pakistani women in Panjab University, Lahore, who are standing up to the Jamat-e-Islami against the loss of their essential freedoms as human beings. Or, delightful to read of, Lakshmi the lacemaker's success in West Godavari district. Poor and hungry, Lakshmi learnt this skill, revolted against the stranglehold of brokers and formed her own lacemaking unit. In a fairytale twist, President Clinton has now invited her to the May Festival in Memphis! One wants to cheer.But, alas, most of us are fragile creatures, who find it very difficult to deal with the loss of our dreams, relationships, money, security or ambitions. How do we, made of common clay, motivate ou-rselves into dealing `positively' wi-th our personal losses?For one thing, it seems importa-nt to give grief its honourable due. Grief is not linear, it is cyclical. It is not something we can tidily "leave behind" as though it were a used te-trapak that we th-rew by the wayside miles ago at a past point in our journey. It can spring out any time and seize us suddenly by the throat. The best favour Time does for us is that it makes grief come back in widening spirals grief takes longer to come around as the years pass. Perhaps the best analogy for dealing with it is the breathing taught to women for labour pains.Clenching our muscles tightly against the pain hurts more. But taking a deep breath and riding the wave of pain seems to hurt much less. So, tears are honourable. Secluding oneself in a kobagriha like epic queens of yore is also useful, since bystanders are not affected by one's bout of existential angst.Secondly, why not try the old tr-ick of counting on-e's blessings? If we really look at what we've got, there's usually something to feel glad about. It could be trifling in others' eyes. But if it's precious to us in some way, it's definitely valid. Thirdly, there's the other time-honoured process of comparing oneself to those who are worse off. This can work quite well, if one thinks how truly dreadful it would be if one were Bosnian, Chechnyan or a Talibaness. But this option has a happy-by-default feel to it that may not really cheer us, because, by the same logic, lots of others seem to have it so much better.When things, people and circumstances conspire to keep us sad or bereft, the big trampoline for our spirit is God. We're falling anyway. If we yell our guts out to God to save us and learn how to fall, there's every likelihood of bouncing back.The courage to say No to being a loser can come from a firm conviction in our own capacity. But we also seem to need a bit of luck. Many of us find it very pleasant to call that `God'. A sense of being looked after, a sense of doors opening as if by magic, a sense of the world meeting us halfway. Was it God that put that courage in us to show up for our lives, that enabled us to be helped by our well-wishers? Was it God who lit that spark in the better selves of those who helped us? Which came first, our belief in God or God? Having already called God a trampoline and a matchstick, let's compound the badtameezi by calling God an electric current that we seem to need to switch on, if we want things to work.Even loss seems more bearable after that flip of the finger, that act of recognition. As St Teresa of Avila says:Let nothing disturb theeLet nothing dismay theeAll things passGod never changes.Patience attainsAll that it strives for.He who has GodFinds he lacks nothingGod alone suffices.
