Inside the mind of the bully

This lack of a nuanced understanding by those responsible for educating children is disheartening. Fighting between two persons of equal strength is a manifestation of aggression. Bullying necessarily involves an imbalance of strength and the tormenting of the weaker. It has elements of sadistic pleasure. It cannot be dissociated from the bullying paradigm of our educational institutions — with the principal as the biggest bully. The response in our society is often to try and ‘solve’ the issue by banning bullying. Another favoured approach is to seek a technological solution — like the installation of 24-hour CCTVs.

Some educationists have argued that the victim should be encouraged to complain to the authorities. They, unfortunately, appear to have forgotten their own growing-up years. As any kid knows if there is one thing guaranteed to increase the torment: it is complaining to authority figures. As a Class VIII student puts it, “I didn’t go to my teachers, as that would only worsen the situation.” The experience of a student who did complain to parents leading to intervention by the principal speaks for itself: “But a few days later, the teasing was back — more harsh and relentless.” Complaining to authorities also carries a risk of disapproval by the broader peer community.

There are no easy approaches to bullying. An attempt to understand the underlying psychodynamic causes seems a viable direction to explore. A bully often lacks a sense of belonging and may feel an isolated outsider who then strives to find a place in the group by ‘proving’ himself. Moving from the village to the city and admission to a new ‘good’ school is likely to make a person feel an ‘outsider’. This seems to have been the case in the Gurgaon incident. Bullying could also be an attention-seeking mechanism or a retaliation to the painful position in which the child feels he has been placed. Real or imagined feelings of inferiority can also lead to destructive revenge by the perpetrator. The status of being a hated bully is a powerful one. The bully gains an exalted position within the peer bystander group.

This brings us to the bully-victim-bystander paradigm. At the heart of the paradigm is power in the context of dominant-submissive dynamics in human relationships. Bullying, like name-calling, mimicking and physical intimidation, is about the humiliation of the victim in the presence of peers. Usually, the victim may be shy with low self-esteem or may be picked out for a disability or obesity. The victim must be shown to be subjugated and often the bullying continues till the victim ends up crying, invoking further laughter from the bystanders led by the triumphant bully. Many a kid instinctively refuses to cry, knowing that would confer upon them long-term ‘victim’ status. Bystanders may be either ‘victim-bystanders’, who thank their stars for not being the victim, or ‘bully-bystanders’ who identify with the bully. The bullying personality wants constant validation from outside and reacts aggressively at the lack of positive feedback. The pattern of repeated bullying seems to provide the bully temporary relief from enraged feelings of isolation.

The principals and teachers in the Gurgaon case said they had “no idea” of what was going on. This seems a dangerous lack of awareness, which does not bode well. Intervention in this complex psycho-dynamics of bullying has to be necessarily long-term, and counsellors who understand the dynamics at play, can certainly help. Ameliorating the power dynamics between students, teachers, parents and support personnel in schools, and helping each child know that he has a place and belongs to the school community by virtue of his or her existence, could be the broad parameters of psycho-dynamic intervention.

The writer is an advocate and a student at the Centre for Psycho-analytic Studies, University of Delhi

rakesh.counsel@gmail.com