Here’s why BJP could win the next election

Vajpayeeji began, ‘‘Brothers and sister, as you know I am working hard to win these elections for the party and parivar. That’s why we have decided to carry on with our tour of Thailand and Australia so that our pravasis there understand the core electoral issues. In any case, our motto this time is always to ‘Feel Good’ and we have always felt good when we are travelling.’’

A feeble clap met this brief intervention. It was Advaniji’s turn to speak: ‘‘The message that should go out to every voter is that if we can make you feel good today, we will make you feel better tomorrow — by building a magnificent temple at Ayodhya. Always remember, the past is our future and we must move towards it decisively. Inspire the country, set it on fire.’’

That was when Jaswant Singhji put his hand up to speak. The pracharak asked him to go ahead: ‘‘Thank you kindly, sir, for allowing me to ventilate my observations on the discrete and utilitarian ways by which we may win the lasting affections of the people of this country so that our party can continue to attach itself to the seat of governance…’’

At this point, the pracharak showed signs of impatience. Jaswant hastened the pace, a bit: ‘‘May I, sir, demand your patience for just a few moments and bring to the kind attention of this august assemblage that the ministry of finance has deliberated with great attention on the methodologies through which we can win over various sections of our populace by displaying calibrated generosity which can then be packaged as our deep and abiding concern for the citizenry and to further their fabled ‘Feel Good’ feeling. As you may have heard, there is an old saying: ‘Jassi jaisa koi nahi’. I have, in my humble way attempted to live up to that honorific…’’

A distinct snort from the front benches greeted these words. The pracharak turned his benign gaze upon Murli Manohar Joshiji who shouted: ‘‘I wish to correct Jaswantji. The ancient Sanskrit sloka he just referred to is really ‘Joshi jaisa koi nahi’, because our ancient seers with their magnetic minds had divined that there would be a man, such as I, born to uphold their vision. Now, to come to the point, I have for the party’s sake proceeded to capture the prestigious IIMs for our purposes, and next week it will be the turn of the IITs. Soon every admission to an IIM, IIT, medical college, university, degree college, higher secondary school, middle school and primary school, will be routed through my office. Think, friends, of how this will help our party. Every anxious parent, unemployed teacher, eager student will have to pass through our portals to secure their future — and ours.’’

A hearty round of applause greeted Joshiji’s statements. Uma Bharati wanted to speak next. ‘‘We need to capture the imagination of the next generation. We need more Barbie dolls,’’ she said, ‘‘Not any old Barbie dolls. We need Barbie dolls dressed up as kar sewaks.’’ Stunned silence followed the suggestion. Narendra Modiji got up. ‘‘Amru behnji has right approach but wrong suggestion. To get the young we must fly kites. We fly a lot of kites in Gujarat and have we ever lost power?’’ he winked.

That was when the inimitable BJP president, Venkaiah Naiduji decided to do a wrap up: ‘‘Excellent suggestion, Modiji. In Telugu, there’s a saying: anubhavamunu minchina guruvu ledu. Experience is the best teacher. Experience teaches us that the more we project ourselves, the less we deject ourselves. The more miles we cover, the more smiles we uncover. India is now shining and BJP will now be winning. So let’s get back to cellphones and megaphones.’’

So now you know why the BJP is the best suited to win the next election. It flies a lot of kites.