Green, green card of home

Must post a message on the Internet supporting the government’s stand on Kashmir — can’t let the b******s lay their hands on Pak-occupied Kashmir, it’s a matter of pride for us, for every patriotic Indian in fact, he continues, as he watches Mark McGuire slam a home run. Home run, yes, must do a run home for a while, some time, some day, he ruminates, as he empties abottle of Spanish olives into a delicate Wedgwood bowl.

The green of the olives kind of reminds him of the tender mangoes his nani used to pickle every June… Great lady, that, a true — what’s the term? — Bharatiya nari — thinking only of other people, never about her own needs. They don’t make them like that anymore, he tells himself, at least not in this country. He makes a mental note to take her some lengths of Swiss voile for her to make saris from, the next time he visits home. She’d like that.Ensconced safely in his San Deigo pad, with his pride and joy — an M3 BMW convertible — parked in the driveway, he prepares to mount nuclear war on Pakistan, without a thought for people closer to a possible holocaust who may be less enthusiastic about such a prospect. It’s we who have superior nuclear capability, so they had better watch out. India is the next superpower in the world, China will not know what hit it, he predicts.

Languidly he switches channels. As Scotty Pippen of the ChicagoBulls shoots, he explodes in a burst of self-esteem. That’s it, just give it to them, he screams — again, to no one in particular — what do they think we are? A bunch of starving snake-charmers? I tell you, it’s time we socked it to the world.

The mental soliloquy continues. Must post a message, as an Overseas Friend of the BJP, on the Internet on why India had to go nuclear. It’s a matter of national pride. Let’s be absolutely clear on this. The whole world thought it could fool around with us. Not anymore, baby, not anymore. We have the bomb. Overcome with emotion, he pours himself another peg of Glenfiddich. Great whiskey, s-m-o-o-t-h.

His thoughts now drift to the budget, but not the one that Capitol Hill is cogitating over. Yashwant Sinha must be congratulated for coming up with the Resurgent India Bonds for NRIs. Great idea that. Us guys are not doing too badly here and we must contribute our mite to the Old Lady back home. Must have a look at the fine print on that one.

All this cogitating overmoney matters brings him back to the good old greenback. He remembers that American Express has just come out with a new credit facility, with an introductory APR of just 9.9 per cent. Must have a look at that one, he tells him, as the Chicago Bulls hits bull’s-eye yet again. Maybe the Resurgent India Bonds can wait. We’ve got to tank up first before we get generous, don’t we?

Be an NRI, become a patriot.