Coming full circle

Shukla feels that in today’s scenario of declining morals and values, children brought up in joint families have stronger moral values “because the elders are always there to guide and nurture them,” she says.

“When my son was born, I had to give up my career, as I could not rely on paid help, and did not want to neglect my child. Had I been a member of a joint family the other members of my family would take care of my son,” she adds. Attitudes are significantly changing. No longer does the newly wed damsel want to shift into a nuclear family only with her hubby. She wants the warm welcome and acceptance of a whole lot of people. Gandhali Amol Thorat, (unmarried), an Arts graduate, would like to get married to somebody living in a joint family as she yearns for the security that a joint family provides. “I have been brought up in a joint family. My earliest memories are of a happy family – celebrations with all my cousins, uncles, relatives on Diwali, Holi and other auspicious days,” she says.

Joint families have been a boon on sunny as well as rainy days. For in times of need there is always someone to lend a helping hand. Troubles do not acquire huge proportions because of the immense emotional security derived from a joint family.

Marriage into a joint family would be a dream come true for Gandhali. But what happens to privacy and individuality in the age of liberalism and freedom? “There is a widespread misconception that in a joint family one does not have a private life. Family members interfere and try to impose their viewpoints. This might be true in a few cases but is not a norm. I have never felt this intrusion in my privacy. In fact it feels good when your family members are concerned about you. There are so many people trying to ease out your problems,” says Gandhali.

Marzia Dalal, daughter-in-law of the famous cookery expert, Tarla Dalal is another woman willing to join the gang. “With cooking skills like my mother-in-law’s who wouldn’t want to live with her,” she adds laughingly. Jokes apart, there is lot more to be shared and gained from a joint family system,she believes.

“When I got married, a nuclear family seemed like a dream-like arrangement. It was really nice to have your privacy and `space’. However, once we started a family, the parameters of running a house completely changed. With children, a lot of responsibilities have been thrust upon us. Our lives are dictated by the needs of the children since there is no one in the house to take care of them. We cannot travel together or go out in the evenings leaving the kids at home.

“It is mainly from the kids point of view that I advocate the joint family system. Domestic help exists but is not sufficient, it is not of the desired quality either. When both the parents are working the children spend long unproductive hours with domestic servants. Whereas in a joint system, family members help in the kids intellectual and creative growth. Here the interaction for children is at a completely different, beneficial level,” she comments.

A joint family seems to provide in-house companionship too. Be it a kids centric viewpoint or a holistic approach to mental and personal growth the balances tilt in the favour of a joint family arrangement. For Shalini Gupta an MBA, it is the most convenient set-up. “In this arrangement you have the whole support system working for you. A strong sense of kinship exists, binding everyone together. One develops a more robust attitude towards life and a very positive sense of belonging,” she says. “At the psychological level you stop being inward looking and start thinking about the benefits of all family members at large. Except for the economic and space constraints it is most desirable set-up to live in,” she confidently adds.

The woman of the millennium is not one which breaks away from tradition and bonds. On the contrary, she preserves relationships while maintaining her individuality. A positive sense of belonging, someone to take care of you all the time, sharing of workload, afternoon gossip sessions, and community celebrations can comfortably be bargained for with a little compromise here and there. Anyone for a family reunion?.