Church attempts to reinforce family values

Jone Devasagayam, wife of CSI Bishop V Devasagayam, a social worker who has also been playing counsellor to the congregation, says that the overpowering influence of the media, the disintegration of the joint family system and the erosion of value systems have necessitated drastic steps to nurture the emotional health of the people.

The Church has always been involved in welfare measures. But now Rs 20 lakh has been earmarked for programmes for specific age groups – teens and couples. Says Jone, "Everywhere we find people living in families, but unhappily. It is different in the West where children leave home as soon as they turn 18. But here, they live with their parents, get married and sometimes, come back to live with them if the marriage turns sour. When such is the case, all efforts have to be taken to ensure that happiness returns to the family."

While the programme for teens will focus on problems of addiction, the pre-marital programmes are designed as a preventive measure and will include the physical and the psychological aspects of marriage. "We will teach two strangers how to get along with each other and much more importantly, stay together. We will also help them understand that they must take their extended families along with them," adds Jone.

Sister Cicilia Arokiasamy who put in place the `marriage preparation classes’ of the Madras-Mylapore Diocese way back in 1991, says such programmes are held in some countries of the West and in neighbouring Kerala. The three-day classes deal with the physical, spiritual, psychological, legal and moral issues. The last was included recently following complaints of a tendency towards promiscuity among men.

"Conducted just a month prior to the marriage, the classes are a free exchange of ideas on all aspects of marriage." The physical aspects cover basic issues of anatomy, pregnancy and natural family planning methods to the touchy topics of impotency and frigidity. Older couples also share their recipe for success.

The legal instruction lays stress on the Canon law as divorce is alien to the Church. In tune with the trend of mixed marriages, the Church now educates the couple that they can opt for a Church marriage even under the Special Marriage Act.

Says Sister Cicilia, "our aim is to make for a happy union. But if things do go wrong, we ensure that the couples know where to turn to."

Although no statistics are available, according to Sister Cecilia, since 1991, when the classes began, till last year, practically no case of family breakdown was reported. In 1999, five couples sought annulment of marriage of whom three cited mental illness in their spouses. To tackle this problem, the Diocese has now specified that the couples attend a personal interview before they register for the classes.

Enquiries reveal that the impact of the programme has been considerable. A bride-to-be-wed in a Tambaram church said `no’ at the altar when the priest asked the crucial `do you?’ question. On how she had the courage to pull out at the last minute, she simply said that she picked it up at the marriage preparation classes!

"And now we have girls telling us that we must conduct similar classes for their parents," says Sister Cecilia.