Butaji to Lalooji: I always oblige anyone, everyone

I am enclosing a list of railway officials who have approached me for transfers and postings. I have always obliged anyone and everyone who require my help. This is a short list of 50 officers; another list of 100 more will follow.
Buta Singh, Governor, Bihar

Dear Butaji,
Thank you. I am extremely happy that Bihar has finally a Governor who is independent and not casteist or communal. I have forwarded your list to Chairman, Railway Board. I think you forgot to add that these officers are highly efficient, clean, very diligent and would be independent minded and not swayed by politicians.

As you know, with the elections round the corner, the list of those wanting to be transferred is getting endless. Enclosed is a list of 500 teachers, 200 health workers, six collectors and two dozens superintendents of police. These are all honest men.
Laloo Prasad Yadav, Minister for Railways.

Mukul says he has some other letters too. The following, he claims, he pinched from Mamta Bannerjee’s office.

Mr Speaker Sir, This relates to the incident where I am being shown repeatedly throwing papers at the Speaker. Sir I want to move a breach of privilege against all TV channels who made it seem, in slow motion and fast motion, that I was continuously throwing papers at the Speaker. Sir this is not humanly possible. Hence, I want to move a breach of privilege.

By the way, what has happened to my letter of resignation? Would it be rejected because it is not addressed to the Speaker?
Mamta Bannerjee (Ex?) MP

I was impressed. But Mukul produced yet another letter which he claims was stolen from Dawood Ibrahim’s Karachi residence.

Miandad bhai,
You may not know it but I was there at my daughter’s wedding. Thanks to pressure from the intelligence agencies, I had to disguise myself. You remember that waiter who was carrying a tray of almonds — that was me. Later, I blessed the young couple dressed as a priest. In Karachi I came like a cabbie. Yes the cabbie who shook your hands.

Miandad bhai, I’m sure during your cricketing days when you were sacked as coach you would have also faced a similar problem; people who know want to disown you. It happens to everyone.

Once again I am conveying my blessings to the young couple.

This is by a special courier

Dawood

P.S. The courier man was me!

I doubt the authenticity of the following letter but Mukul insists it is not fake!

To the RSS
When I said that Jinnah was secular, I was addressing a Pakistani audience. As you know Pakistan had not followed his secular views, assuming for a moment that he was secular and assuming that he meant what he said. However, back in India, I am veering around to the view that he was communal. It is imperative that only a person like me who sees Jinnah from both the perspectives can be the asli mukhota of the RSS.

Vajpayee has always been a nakli mukhota.
L K Advani