‘Bachchan is only a man, after all’

It’s just my style of writing. There is a lot of things that people told me in confidence or intimated me and I gave it my voice so that I could get all the blame. It’s my way of filtering out information, in a singular voice, so that I get all the flak.

There is an irreverent note in the book on Bollywood and Bachchan. Was it intended?

I didn’t expect the reaction I got. In India people can’t handle irreverence, whereas I’ve just been very British in my style of writing. People have said to me that ‘you can’t say these things about Bachchan and be irreverent about him’. Some would say to me, ‘We can’t stand the man, but we can’t say anything against him.’ It’s a weird dichotomy. He is just a man like any other. I adore him and he can be overwhelming, but at the end of the day, he is just a man.

Everyone is curious about what happened between you and Bachchan. Why did he threaten to fight you to ‘the last drop of blood’ after he saw the first draft?

When we started out, neither of us had any idea how it would change the dynamics of our relationship. I never moved from being a friend to being a friend and biographer. We didn’t know how to handle it and we both got caught in the crossfire.

Throughout the book one sees that he lets you get close and then becomes elusive and clams up. Why does he not open up about his life?

Why should he? Whatever he says will never be enough. He is as forthcoming as can be but people want to get to the essence of him. They want him completely and that is not possible. They will never find him as they don’t know what they’re looking for.

What is your final analysis of him?

My favourite film dialogue is Katherine Hepburn in The Philadelphia Story where she says, ‘The time to make up your mind about people… is never.’ And it is impossible to analyse a man like him, whose life has altered so dramatically. I have been seeing him since 1994-95, when he was coming out of a sabbatical to happier times. And throughout I saw, people have very fixed and personal ideas of him.

You mention Abhishek Bachchan fleetingly in the book. What do you think of him?

There is so much of his father in him, especially the walk which is unnervingly similar. I don’t know him too well. But he is really sweet and along with Saif Ali Khan, I rate him among the best actors. His Bunty Aur Babli was the last movie I saw and loved.

There is the notion that you got access to the A-list of Bollywood because of your British identity. What do you say to that?

It is unfair to say that. I have worked hard to write this book. It took me 10 years of flying back and forth between Mumbai and London. I have spent time on film sets, got lost, waited for an awful lot of people to glean the information that I got.

Would you like to tell another Bollywood story?

Not too many people’s lives are very tellable. Now Amitabh has led a truly interesting life, something that Manmohan Desai would make a great movie out of. I think Shashi Kapoor has led an interesting life, and so did Parveen Babi. But I’m not going to attempt anything to do with Bollywood or biographies again.

So, are you really going to write a book on quantum physics?

Well it is on quantum physics and broken hearts. I am an expert in one and not on the other. The book is about me and the heartbreak I’ve gone through.

How difficult is it being a single mother?

It is extremely hard, I’m taking each day at a time. A lot of single mothers, especially in a country like India, tend to feel vilified. I think it is something to be proud of. I’m bringing up Jaan in the best way I can.

What did you feel about the Stardust exposé on your relationship with Aamir Khan and the pictures of Jaan that they carried?

I felt like I’d been a complete idiot. I was so cross with myself for trusting someone whose job it is to ‘get the gossip’. After seeing the edition, I felt like I’d let down Jaan.

Does Jaan know anything about his father?

There is no reason for him to know anything.