All on the House

It is for considerations such as these that I took the time and effort to devise ways to keep our MPs even happier than they are. The trick is not to award them large sums of cash as monthly salaries. This would embarrass their Gandhian sensitivities unduly and leave them vulnerable to the charge of financial avarice. Instead, they must be provided with gentle, feel-good measures that encourage them to give of their best to Indian democracy.There is, for instance, that perennially upsetting business of surgically separating our MPs from their residences once their terms come to an end. It hurts me to think of how insensitive we are about this. We shed copious tears when the jhopadpattis of slum dwellers are bulldozed out of existence, but when it comes to MPs we somehow tend to forget our finer feelings. The ministry of housing makes no qualms about issuing rude notices to them and newspapers scream on and on about how people who haven’t won a Lok Sabhaseat since ’89 continue to enjoy the privilege of government accommodation in Lutyens’ Delhi.

All this barbaric behaviour has got to stop. Let us never forget that these are the very pillars of our democracy and pillars by their very nature are attached to foundations. Everybody acquires a certain affection for the places they live in to some nook or corner in it, to a particular window that looks out on to a neem tree perhaps, or a gigantic living room embellished with large photographs of oneself with the Prime Minister, maybe. It is human nature surely to resist dislocation.

A better way to handle this delicate matter would be to allow MPs a grace period of 10 years to find alternative accommodation for themselves. If they haven’t managed to do move out in this period, the State should consider providing government land on a freehold basis at concessional rates and with interest-free loans for those desirous of building their own residences in a city of their choice. If they still show reluctance tomove, they should be allowed to remain where they are because by then they would have established tenancy rights.

Then you may have noticed how our MPs get so involved in running the republic that they routinely forget to pay their telephone and electricity bills, even after running through their quota of 15,000 free units per year (now upgraded to 25,000) and 30,000 free calls. I believe we should not bother them with pedestrian obligations of this kind. Let’s face it, paying bills in the best of times is an extremely vexatious task for the average citizen, how much more so would it be for someone who has to sacrifice much energy towards ensuring that we continue to live in a democratic country?Mobility is essential for MPs. Not only do they need to visit the Capital every now and then and travel to their constituency at least once before every election, they have the sundry family obligations that any householder has keeping in touch with family members, taking the wife and grandchildren on vacations andthe like. It’s a bit miserly therefore to offer them just 32 free air tickets a year. Just think about it. A family of four could exhaust their annual quota in just four trips to Goa and back. And what about foreign trips? Unlimited travel for two in First Class air-conditioned comfort by train anywhere in India is all very well, but what if some urgent information for the well-being of one’s constituency is required from London or Paris? It’s quite shocking that there is no provision for such an eventuality in the rulebook.

What about those really short trips, undertaken to uphold national/state/personal honour (as the case may be)? Why can’t we provide them with TA & DA every time they stage a walk-out, for instance? Or facilities for a special massage of the upper limbs on those days when they have to tear a Bill or two or wrestle with each other. Or reward them for raising questions in the House through a Question Allowance? Or seeking a clarification through a Clarification Allowance? Or a KeepingAwake allowance for sitting through Parliamentary speeches without indulging in a spot of shuteye? And all this besides the usual secretarial allowance, constituency allowance, and road mileage allowance, of course.