‘A nightmare that won’t end’

Nishrin is now in Ahmedabad along with several NRIs under the aegis of “NRIs for Secular and Harmonious India’’, which is promoting communal harmony in Gujarat.

Nishrin is settled in UK for the last four years. Her husband, Dr Hussain, had been with the Physical Research Laboratory here for several years before migrating. This is the second time she is visiting the city after the February 28 massacre.

But Nishrin has not been able to gather courage to go to Gulbarg Society where she lived even once.

‘‘I hope to go and see my home on Monday along with the NRI team. But I think it is going to be very different. I always thought I was strong. But I don’t know what has happened to me. From the moment I saw my mother after the killings it has hit me that it is not just a bad dream, not a nightmare from which I will wake up. This is for real and all this really happened,’’ she says.

Nishrin, who has gone around the city in the last couple of days, feels nothing has changed really. ‘‘That is the sad part. The city is the same, the people around me are the same. Except that parts of my home are probably no longer there,’’ Nishrin, who studied B.Com from Nav Gujarat College, says.

What alarms her is the widening gap between Hindus and Muslims. ‘‘I think parts of Ahmedabad have become like former Germany. There is a Berlin Wall between both the communities. The wall is getting higher,’’ says Nishrin, who has visited Juhapura, Paldi and other areas with mixed populations.

In spite of what she and her family have gone through, Nishrin does not betray any bitterness or anger. ‘‘I am surprised that many people whom I have met feel sorry for everything that has happened,’’ she says.

Nishrin says she can’t forget the sweet memories of Ahmedabad and her home in Gulbarg. ‘‘I remember I used to walk down to the Amrut High School nearby. Those days when I never felt insecure or scared. Since my kids were seven-year-olds, I encouraged them to move around alone. There was no reason to fear,’’ she says.

How does her association with NRI group, which has Hindus, Muslims and Christians from eight US states, help? ‘‘I think my being with them will make some difference. I want unity among people. We will go around and talk to people. I want to know why does anyone have to be afraid of living in a particular area with people of the other community. Why can’t I chose where I want to live and still not be afraid?’’

Nishrin has another query: ‘‘I want to meet the people responsible for all this. I want to know what kind of hatred they have that led them to do this.’’