Making the right connect

Gloria Burett pointed out how lying is a “developmental milestone” for the child.

In the latest edition of Express Masterclass at Genesis Global School in Noida, on September 29, psychotherapist Gloria Burrett advised parents on “seeing” the behaviour of their children, and not judging; on how to handle anger and what makes an unsafe world for seven to 11 years olds. She also addressed the regular situations that parents get stuck in — emotional outbursts, tantrums while eating or fights with siblings. “You should be aware if you’re seeing the behaviour of your child, or judging it. Mothers tell their children not to do this or that, make your words more child friendly. Take away the analysis from your observations,” she said. She also pointed out that behaviour becomes problematic due to parents’ expectations, and one of the reasons is their own childhood wounds. “If you’ve grown up thinking that anger is a bad trait, then you will have trouble handling your child’s anger,” she said.

She pointed out how lying is a “developmental milestone” for the child. “It is worthy of celebration that the child, at the age of six, is clever enough to know what you would not like,” she said. In a discussion about eating woes, Burrett stated how it is wrong on the part of parents to expect a child to see a chocolate in the refrigerator, and pick an apple. “It’s just too difficult,” she said.

In one of the exercises, she gave the parents a piece of paper, asked them to fold it as per her instructions with their eyes closed. What was supposed to look like a paper plane, was given various shapes. “I gave the same instructions to all, but when you got one step wrong, it went for a toss. The same happens with children. It’s called lack of coaching,” said Burrett, who also told the parents how looking in the eye does not always work. “It’s best to talk to children when they are sitting beside you in the car, or working on something, which is what we call the third other in the room,” she said, adding that the best conversation starters are — ‘tell me more’ or ‘what do you think about this’. “Parenting is 90 per cent connection and 10 per cent guidance,” she said.