The Edge of Reason

India is the original homeland of the hypocritical MCP. So,it’s not all that surprising if teenage boys think that an occasional whack for your spouse is no big deal — if it’s not too often,it’s entirely within the realm of normalcy. Our standards for “normal” are often bizarre and contradictory — a film is recommended for 50 cuts to no longer be called “adult”,even as the storyline of almost every prime time Hindi TV show revolves around rape,incest,murder and infidelity. Rather,the story of the human condition,if only we’d be adult enough to accept it. Unpalatable news items of battered babies and unimaginable horrors flood the news daily,enough to ruin our morning and the day,but an entertaining movie about an unapologetic soft-porn star is,well,too dirty for us.

It’s more baffling to make sense of what makes women — smart,rich women — accepting of abuse. I can never forget an incident long ago when,as a young reporter for a news channel,I was at Mumbai’s Taj Hotel along with the crew and we were leaving by a back gate late in the night. On the staircase,we stumbled upon a couple in the midst of a violent argument. The girl — a beautiful and well-known TV actor — was pleading with a long-haired,creepy beatnik,who was pummeling her,with a punch in the ribs every now and then as well. She wasn’t pleading with him to stop — she was apologising profusely for her own behaviour.

Maybe,we should have beaten him to a pulp there and then,but we were stunned,and one of my colleagues began filming it. Back in the office,we considered the footage,damning evidence of what should never happen to anyone but came to the conclusion that we couldn’t use it. It was too personal,nor was it for us to decide what a successful,well-respected woman chooses to live with in her personal life. I still see her on TV and she looks fine. Today’s news environment is very different. You could post it on YouTube and generate a hue and cry. If it came out,the man would have got lynched by the public,women’s rights’ groups would have ensured his arrest,and 9 pm-prime time,for at least that day,would have been devoted to tackling the menace of domestic violence.

Model Madhu Sapre once commented that when we mess with roles in a marriage or relationship,that’s when things go wrong. After reaching the top of her career,she came to the rather-depressing and retrograde conclusion that women should look after the home and children,while the man goes out and works. Many of us would disagree with her stereotypification of gender roles,but it’s true that along with working,women are expected to marry,produce and look after children and this applies to the most successful women all over the world. If you don’t make that right marriage at the right time,maybe you’ll end up settling for an occasional whack.

If cinema and television mirror reality,consider the top two grossing dramas in the US right now — Downton Abbey (available on DVD),granted,is a period drama. It centres around a girl making an eligible match,while Girls,an HBO production,is about single,young women in New York. The characters in Sex and the City,this show’s predecessor,were perpetually desperate to find a man and have a relationship,but at least they were glamourous,with successful careers and enough money. The Girls,however,are victims of the recession,with no jobs or money to splurge on Manolo Blahniks,and their hopes hinge even more on men for security. But what can be done to change India’s young adults’ shocking views on wife-beating? Start with the girls. Until they realise it’s not OK,the whack will never be far off.

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