Meet IPS officer and IIT-Delhi alumnus who cracked UPSC CSE after 3 failed attempts

I am from Siwan, Bihar, and due to my father’s frequent job postings, I did my schooling in Darbhanga and high school in Patna.

I wanted to study at the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT). But, after my poor performance in the pre-board exam in Class 12, my father started taunting me saying “at least get a minimum passing percentage.” I felt insulted. I thought while I was aiming to be an IIT student, my family was fearing over my passing status in high school. I studied hard in Class 12 and simultaneously prepared for IIT Joint Entrance Exam (JEE).

IIT Delhi and UPSC call

I cracked the JEE Main and JEE Advanced and got admission to IIT Delhi for BTech in chemical engineering in 2011. However, here as well, I got engaged more in extracurricular activities, hostel politics and societies. This hampered my studies and overall marks but I managed to secure a job in 2015.

However, on my twelfth day of work, I felt, I was not meant to do this. I want better things in life, I want to be a changemaker. I then quit my job, discussed it with my friends and family and decided to attempt the UPSC Civil Services Examination (CSE).

Old Rajendra Nagar, first UPSC CSE interview

In 2015, I went to Old Rajendra Nagar to bolster my UPSC CSE preparation. I used to study for 12 to 13 hours a day. I qualified for preliminary and mains on my first attempt only.

However, I blacked out during my interview and missed my first attempt. This continued for three more years. I felt anxious as all my friends from IIT Delhi were in a better position than I was during those days.

Depression, consultation and remedy

My failures made me depressed. I felt no desire to eat or communicate and slowly became an introvert. I went home from Delhi and told my parents I did not want to continue my studies and didn’t wish to live as a failure. Worried about my attitude towards life and exams, my father hugged me and told me everything would be all right. My family took me to a doctor and I was advised not to go out alone or even sleep alone. Four months passed, and then I felt, I was not going on the right way. It needs to change. I went to a 10-day Vipassana meditation programme, and started journaling. I started doing all those things that motivated me. I felt that I was moving forward.

I started living in a new place surrounded by positive and energetic people. I also maintained a gratitude copy where I noted all the things I felt grateful for during the day.

It took me two years to come to terms and to restart my UPSC preparation. I then joined the Residential Coaching Academy at Jamia Millia Islamia.

Fourth attempt and UPSC CSE Rank 381

I appeared for my fourth attempt in CSE 2021. I made proper schedules to avoid negative feelings and follow my goal to crack the exam. After clearing my prelims, I felt rejuvenated. I started preparing for the mains with full focus. During the personality test, I felt so confident that I even asked my panel of interviewers to change the question as I did not know the answer. Additionally, when told to ask anything to the interviewers, I asked them to question me on journaling things I felt grateful for.

UPSC CSE does not require one to be oversmart, nor does it require one to be intellectual. UPSC examines the candidate’s patience and consistency and assesses how one can work under pressure in a time-bound manner.

During my UPSC CSE preparation, I learned that taking responsibility for failure helps, dreaming big is always a boost and fooling oneself will not lead you anywhere.

Courtesy: Joshtalks.com