Delhi: Anxiety, insomnia, depression — for riot-hit families, scars run deep even two years later

“She has been having so many episodes of anxiety over the last two years. Now she has started forgetting herself. We took her to two hospitals in Delhi but her condition has not improved. She went into shock after her brother died. We take her to our village now and then to help her feel better,” said her father Aziz Ahmed (55).

For several families that lost people in the riots, the burden of mental health issues has gotten heavier with each passing year.

Babu Khan (58), whose two sons Hashim Ali (17) and Amir (30) were beaten to death minutes from their home, now spends most of his days looking at old videos of them. “I have no mental peace. I keep thinking of how they were killed, like animals. Every step to my house is filled with pain,” he said.

Also killed in the riots was Intelligence Bureau staffer Ankit Sharma (26), whose body was found in a drain. To try and move on, the family has left their old home at Khajuri Khas. His brother Ankur said, “The drain from where he was pulled out was a few metres from our house. Every conversation we have had over the last two years would lead to him, and it was hard to let go. We found closure after the government recognised him as a martyr. And we’re relieved to leave that house – we don’t have to see that drain again.”

Dilbar Negi (21), a worker at a sweet shop, died when he sought refuge inside a store. His family lives in Uttarakhand’s Pauri Garhwal. Ranjit Singh (46), one of Dilbar’s three siblings, says they will never visit Delhi. “The sight of a Delhi-bound bus scares us. If we have to do manual labour for sustenance, we will do it. Magar Dilli nahi jayenge (we will never go to Delhi),” he said.

On February 26, 2020, Nitin (15) left his house at Gokulpuri to buy chowmein, ignoring his family’s advice to stay put. He died after allegedly being hit by a teargas shell.

His father, Ram Sugarat, said, “He was killed near our home where he was supposed to be safe. We don’t know who killed him and who is responsible. The compensation of Rs 5 lakh paid to us was inadequate. I am desperately looking for another home in Delhi. I don’t want to live here.”

Rahul Solanki was shot in the neck and killed on February 24 when he stepped out of his home to buy groceries. Solanki’s father Hari Singh Solanki said the last year has been extremely difficult. “Soon after Rahul’s death, my wife became paralysed. We suffer from insomnia. I barely sleep and get anxious most of the time,” he said.

Ishtiya Khan (27) was shot dead outside his house at Mustafabad when he stepped out after hearing a commotion. Since then, his family has spent countless sleepless nights. His brother Mustaq (24) has been the worst affected. “Right after my brother died, I started noticing that the right side of my face stopped moving. One day I was unable to move my eyebrows. I visited IHBAS and AIIMS for treatment, and even sought ayurvedic treatment. My condition is just beginning to improve,” Mustaq said.

The family of Rahul Thakur (25), a student who was shot in the chest outside his Brijpuri home, has relied on kirtans to find solace. Now they are in the process of moving out. His brother Yogesh Thakur said, “We are all going to leave this home and memories behind. The only solution is to forget.”

Also among the victims was Faizan (23), a video of whom had surfaced being made to sing Vande Mataram by security forces as he lay on the ground, writhing in pain.

His mother Kishmatoon’s life has changed after donations came in from people, with which they built a three-storey home and bought an e-rickshaw. But the grief remains. “I will give all the money back for my Faizan. People think we got a lot of money, they don’t know the sorrow I carry in my heart,” she said.

Firdaus (25) has not spent a single rupee from the Rs 10 lakh compensation she got after the death of her husband Mohd Furkan (30), who was shot dead on February 24 when he went out to get cheese for his children.

She says that her in-laws pressure her to vacate the home at Kardampuri, and that she depends on monthly handouts from them to raise her two children, aged 7 and 4. “I was raised in a conservative family and never stepped out of the house until now. Today, I have to do a man’s job by stepping out and buying things for my children. All of this is new for me. I have not spent the compensation money because my family will think I am wasting it and kick us out,” she said.