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Journalism of Courage
In a space where youth often dominates the conversation around appearance, R Madhavan has chosen to take a different path. The actor recently shared his thoughts on ageing and appearance in an interview with ETimes, saying, “Ab safed baal aa gaye toh aa gaye (If I have grey hair, so be it). I have never dyed my hair, unless it is required for a role.” His relaxed attitude stems from what he’s observed in others he respects.
He stated that he has taken inspiration from superstar Rajinikanth. “He doesn’t care about how he looks off-screen, but on-screen, he is magic. Just like my friend Ajith (Kumar),” he noted. Madhavan further explained why he doesn’t feel the need to mask his age or compete with younger actors.
He said he isn’t someone who carries emotional baggage or lives with dishonesty. Over the years, he stated that he has learned from his peers and seniors that an off-screen image holds little importance. Confident in who he is, Madhavan feels no need to project herself as younger than he actually is. “I’m not competing with someone who’s younger than me. I’m competing with my own ability and my ability to bring out the best in me. There’s an acceptance of who I am,” he noted.
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Because visible ageing in men often triggers a quiet fear of becoming less useful. In many professional and social spaces, appearance is linked to relevance. A man with grey hair or tired skin is not always seen as experienced — sometimes he is seen as replaceable. Especially in cultures like ours, where men are taught to lead, provide, and stay ahead, ageing becomes a perceived threat to their position.”
It is not just about looking young, he adds. It is about maintaining status, control, and being taken seriously. Most men will not talk about this openly. “But that internal pressure to not ‘fall behind’ makes them mask ageing signs, even if their abilities remain strong. It becomes a way of protecting their place in systems that still reward appearance, speed, and charisma over substance,” states Raj.
Allowing natural ageing often leads to a quieter, deeper kind of confidence. When men stop treating their changing appearance like a problem to solve, they begin to relate to themselves differently. That shift brings relief. The energy that once went into control and cover-up is freed.
Raj explains, “For many, it is the first time they stop measuring their worth by how youthful or sharp they appear. They begin to anchor it in character, integrity, and lived experience. This creates a more stable and less anxious identity. It does not happen immediately. But once it does, the relationship with the body becomes more honest, and the mind less reactive.”
“Letting go of comparison is not passive,” stresses Raj, adding that it takes “active inner work.” Men need to acknowledge what they feel threatened by and stop pretending they are unaffected. Creating space for reflection, therapy, deeper friendships, and time away from constant performance helps. Focus needs to shift from proving something to becoming something. That is the transition that brings peace.
