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Journalism of Courage
You’ve been seeing this person for a few weeks now. They shower you with their attention and affection. So much so that you’ve started tentatively dreaming of a happily-ever-after with them. But as soon as you think this might go somewhere, the person goes MIA. Only to make a U-turn back into your life and leave it in shambles after doing the exact same thing. “Sorrows, sorrows. Prayers,” as Queen Charlotte from Bridgerton would say, because you, dear reader, have become a casualty at the hands of “breadcrumbing.”
Breadcrumbing is not a new entrant into modern dating parlance, but it has been often eclipsed by its more famous cousins like ghosting and situationships. Kushneet Sachdev, counselling psychologist at Lissun, described it as a situation when you are being given just enough attention or communication to keep your interest, but without any genuine commitment or intention to build a real relationship.
The psychology behind being a breadcrumber (if you will) is a nexus of desire for attention and validation, a fear of commitment and confrontation, and the good-old ego boost, explained Sachdev. “Though, these things could be a result of past traumas experienced in one’s life, related to commitment or abandonment issues in family or friends,” he added.
Sachdev described the following as some red flags to look out for.
They engage with you sporadically, often going silent for extended periods, only to reappear briefly.
They avoid making concrete plans or commitments to meet in person or take the relationship to the next level.
They may say affectionate or promising things but fail to follow through with actions that match their words.
They make little effort to initiate conversations or show genuine interest in your life, feelings, or well-being.
They may offer vague promises but they remain unfulfilled.
Coping with breadcrumbing can be challenging, but Sachdev addressed some ways that can help.
1.) Recognise the behavior: The first step is to acknowledge that you’re experiencing bread crumbing.
2.) Set boundaries: Define your boundaries and what you’re willing to tolerate. Be prepared to walk away from the situation if your needs are not being met.
3.) Seek support: Share your experiences with friends or a therapist who can offer emotional support and guidance.
4.) Keep your options open: Don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say.
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