‘I like to believe she accepted me as her own from the second I met her’

Since my early teens, I wanted to adopt a child and not have a biological one of my own. This is a belief that grew stronger when I became aware of the plight of children living on streets, especially when my family moved back to India after living abroad for years. I was around nine years old at that time. As I grew older, I became firm in my belief that to experience motherhood, I don’t have to give birth to a child and populate the planet further.

In my profession, it is possible to lead a beautiful life as a single woman and pursue the arts. In spite of that, adopting a baby was something I never stopped thinking about. In 2018, I applied for adoption and It came through in 2019. When my daughter, who was three then, came into my life, everything simply flowed organically.

Before I met her, I was a bit nervous — one is never fully prepared for motherhood. But two days after we finished the paperwork and brought her home, we became mother and daughter in that very instant. Since I didn’t get the time earlier, we did up her room together after she arrived. She shares a beautiful relationship with my parents too. On her first day at our home, my mother did a puja and that evening itself she was playing with my father’s hair and mustache. It felt as if she was always a part of us. I like to believe she accepted me as her own from the very second I met her.

Initially, my mother had her apprehensions over the adoption, especially over whether I was ready for such a life-long responsibility like motherhood. But my parents have been very supportive. Earlier, I would often be told that I look like my mother. Today, many tell me that my daughter looks like me. As we grow up together, sharing our food habits, lives and behaviour, it is possible that we appear to be alike.

In our field of work, maintaining a work-life balance can be challenging. However, while doing the movie Yellow Bus (which will premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival 2023), the team had created an ideal environment for working mothers. I was given the option of travelling to Abu Dhabi with my daughter, all her expenses paid, but decided against it since her school would be affected. Predominantly a female cast and crew, many colleagues on the project, including my director and producer, had travelled with their children and it was a lovely experience.

When we are at home, we do her school projects together. We do a lot of outdoor activities together – cycling, running around and climbing trees. After I pick her up from the school bus-stop, we compete to climb the staircases fast and beat each other in reaching home first.

When we are young, we talk about changing the world. But we can only make little changes around us. As an individual living an independent life, I want my freedom but I also want to enjoy one of the most beautiful aspects of being a woman — motherhood. Even though I chose not to bear a child, I can still nurture a child. By doing so, I receive so much from her.

As told to Alaka Sahani