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Journalism of Courage
Conflicts are a natural part of daily life. It’s no surprise that different generations often have clashing viewpoints, leading to unnecessary emotional strain. Let’s explore the root cause of this issue.
As parents, you’re naturally wired to look out for your children’s well-being. When they’re young, they readily accept your guidance on everything from food choices and bedtime routines to school selection and clothing. They simply haven’t developed the cognitive maturity to make these decisions themselves. However, as they grow, minor disagreements can escalate quickly into full-blown arguments.
These clashes are especially common between teens and parents. Teens often feel their parents don’t respect their boundaries or give them enough autonomy. Parents, on the other hand, may struggle to relinquish control or simply disagree with their teens’ choices.
Here are a few ways to resolve disagreements in a constructive manner:
Just because you gave birth to your child doesn’t mean you own their opinions or control their perspective. If you expect honesty from them, be prepared for viewpoints that differ from your own. When parents feel disrespected by their teenagers’ differing opinions, it’s important to remember that disagreement doesn’t equate to disrespect. Instead, try to understand what your child is saying and work towards a mutually agreeable way to communicate.
As a therapist, I’ve frequently observed defensive body language from both parents and teens during arguments. Crossed arms, eye rolls, and a passive, laid-back attitude can shut down communication. A healthy relationship thrives on active listening, not simply waiting for your turn to speak or making assumptions based on past experiences. Avoid bringing up past arguments in the heat of the moment.
Simple discussions can devolve into fights due to the tone used. Screaming, taunting, and making accusatory statements like “You’re always so lazy” or “You never understand me” are triggers that escalate conflict. Speak gently, remembering that it’s not you versus your child. They need your guidance and affection. A calm demeanor sets a positive example for how they should handle similar situations in their own lives.
Once you’ve established ground rules of no interrupting, talking back, or making snide remarks, it’s crucial for both parent and teen to take turns explaining their feelings. Clear communication without blame fosters openness, receptivity, and respect. Everyone expresses emotions differently – some cry, some stay silent, and some yell. Allow tempers to cool down before embracing and calmly continuing the conversation. Without displays of affection and understanding, disagreements can morph into ego battles that are nearly impossible to resolve.
Nishtha Grover is a child and adolescent psychologist, and a doctoral research scholar based in New Delhi
