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Journalism of Courage
Veteran actor Zeenat Aman was a heartthrob of 1970s Bollywood. Despite her success as a star, she found little luck in love.
In an old interview with Simi Garewal, she opened up about her challenges in her marriage to Mazhar Khan. Married in 1985, Zeenat’s relationship soon became troubled as she struggled to support Mazhar through his dependence on prescription painkillers. After twelve difficult years, she ultimately left for her well-being, even as she continued to care about him deeply. Reflecting on this decision, she shared, “What had happened with Mazhar is that he had stopped helping himself… Whatever he was doing, he was inflicting further damage on himself, and I couldn’t stay there and watch him do that.”
Leaving wasn’t easy, and it had lasting consequences. She explained, “Eventually, his kidneys did pack up, and this was after I had opted out. It took me a very long time to do that because when I left, I still cared. I had fought so many of his battles so hard for him. It was very difficult for me to leave, even though it was a question of self-preservation.”
Her story highlights the importance of recognising toxicity in relationships and gathering the strength required to leave for one’s mental and emotional health.
Dr Arun Kumar, senior consultant psychiatrist at Cadabams Hospitals, says, “Early signs that a relationship may harm one’s well-being often involve emotional and physiological changes. Persistent stress, anxiety, or physical symptoms like insomnia and fatigue may indicate a toll. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that individuals in strained relationships report higher chronic stress, which can manifest in physical symptoms and health decline. The ‘allostatic load’ theory suggests that chronic emotional stress from a toxic relationship strains the body’s stress-response system, impacting immunity and cardiovascular health.”
When self-doubt, lack of identity, or fear of conflict becomes normalised, says Dr Kumar, it’s often a sign to prioritise self-preservation. Journaling or therapy can help individuals reflect on their feelings within and outside the relationship, creating a clearer picture of alignment with values and well-being. “Research in The Journal of Positive Psychology highlights self-awareness as a powerful tool in recognising and acting upon personal needs,” mentions Dr Kumar.
Dr Kumar states that supporting a partner with self-destructive behaviours is complex and can risk the caregiver’s mental health. “A study in Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy indicates that partners of individuals with destructive behaviours, such as substance use, often experience ‘secondary trauma,’ leading to emotional exhaustion and burnout. This happens when a partner assumes responsibility for “saving” their loved one, quickly overwhelming their well-being.”
Clear boundaries are essential. “Listening without judgement and encouraging professional help, without absorbing responsibility for recovery, is a practical approach. Self-care — which research from the American Journal of Psychiatry links to better mental health outcomes — helps the supportive partner nurture their well-being. Personal therapy provides a space to process these challenges, while peer support groups offer valuable perspectives, reinforcing that self-preservation is necessary to provide genuine support,” he mentions.
Leaving a long-term relationship is challenging and requires emotional preparation. “Building a support network before the transition is essential, as social connections often bolster emotional resilience,” says Dr Kumar.
Setting personal goals and boundaries for the transition period can also provide structure, helping individuals focus on what they want to achieve outside the relationship. “Journaling, which studies in The Journal of Affective Disorders reveal is linked to improved emotional clarity and resilience, can serve as a private outlet to reaffirm one’s reasons for leaving. Financial planning, securing stable housing, and taking small steps toward independence can reduce stress, enabling a focus on emotional healing. The goal is not only to leave but to transition in a way that promotes long-term well-being,” concludes Dr Kumar.
