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Journalism of Courage
Written by Prakriti Poddar
Vague metaphors of birds and bees just aren’t going to cut it these days. Today, parents are competing with social media and the internet to be their child’s source of sex education. It’s crucial to normalise talking about sex at home to ensure your teen gets safe and accurate information. Positive discussions around intimacy can help your child accept sex as a healthy part of life instead of shrouding it in mystery.
Safe sex discussions are critical. However, the scope of sex education should also include cultivating positive and empowering attitudes towards sex, sexuality, and the body. Introduce your children to diverse gender and sexual orientations and encourage them to accept and celebrate others while exploring their own sexual identities and preferences. Children need to be taught that there’s nothing shameful about sex and masturbation and that it is normal as well as a safe sexual outlet. Additionally, it allows for self-exploration which is essential to healthy intimacy.
Of course, all this can be easier said than done. Some parents may need to educate themselves first before teaching their children about sex. Expect some awkwardness but remember what’s at stake when engaging in these essential conversations.
1. Start early: It’s never too early to start teaching your child about sex, sexuality, and bodies. You want your child to feel more comfortable talking about sex and ensure they get reliable and authentic information. It’s OK to explain things in an age-appropriate manner. For example, a six-year-old may be curious to know where babies come from. You can simply answer by saying, “From a small egg in the mother,” without going into complex details.
2. Welcome their questions: When children ask about sex, first, make them feel comfortable. Patiently hear them out, then answer their questions as honestly and authentically as you can. Keep the conversation going by asking them if they are satisfied with the answer or would like to ask more.
3. Use correct names for body parts: There’s a good reason why you should encourage your child to use correct names for reproductive parts of the body. Using a goofy substitute encourages opaqueness and even shame of certain body parts but saying “penis” or “vulva” helps children realise that it is healthy to talk about these organs. It also helps children communicate correctly with doctors and adds to their understanding of good and bad touch and establishing healthy boundaries.
4. Don’t change the channel! Instead, use it as a cue to talk about sexual space, dynamics, and preferences with your child. Cringing at an intimate scene or changing the channel will reinforce the message that sex is dirty, secretive, or dangerous.
5. Affirm body curiosity: Touching and exploring their body is perfectly normal and healthy in children. In fact, research shows that it begins in the womb! This exploration shouldn’t be associated with shame. Without judging your child, allow them to explore their body but in a safe space, like at home. This will make children more comfortable with their bodies and pave the way for open communication as they get older.
1. Consumption of porn: If children don’t find parents willing to talk on the subject, their curiosity may lead them to sources like pornography for information, which can lead to harmful misconceptions about sex and relationships and a distorted view of positive sexuality.
2. Indulging in risky behaviours: Without proper guidance, children might feel ashamed or confused about their bodies and sexuality and may involve themselves in risky behaviours.
3. Vulnerability to abuse: Children not taught about their bodies and boundaries may not recognize inappropriate behaviour or abuse.
4. Poor sexual health: If sex is taboo at home, children might struggle to discuss sexual health issues with parents and delay seeking help.
Understanding sexuality is critical for emotional and social development. While the recommendations work for most cases, each child – and parent – is different and may require a different approach to sex education. What remains unchanged, though, is the need for open communication between parents and children and positive attitudes towards sex and sexual health. Children should feel safe knowing their parents have their back, and they can ask them anything. This will help children stay safe, be body-positive, and have a healthy relationship with sex and sexuality.
(Prakriti Poddar is a mental health expert and global head, Mental Health & Wellbeing at RoundGlass Living app)
