For the first of these columns I wrote,I had to watch the last iteration of NDTVs Indian of the Year,which you could call a baptism by fire only if being baptised by fire is an incredibly boring,sleep-inducing,and cringe-worthy experience.
So the Indian of the Year is (drumroll) Anna Hazare. Oh,and also Arvind Kejriwal. Presumably Arvind didnt allow Anna to accept an award unless he got it as well.
Theres something charmingly guileless about a news channel awarding to one of their own creations sorry,two of their own creations their own award. The real winner of the Indian of the Year award,it seemed to say,is Us,or at least the wonderful self-referential world into which were willing to invite you.
The show itself was the usual excruciatingly painful,self-congratulatory,poorly-edited few hours of mumbling,pompous speeches; unceasing elevator-music mangling of the Richard Strauss 2001 opening theme to artificially induce drama; and awkward interaction between people from different fields who have absolutely no real interest in each other. If anything,putting lots of powerful and famous people together in a room and making them be chummy to each other adds to the general feeling that theyre All In It Together,exactly what I thought AnnaArvind were supposed to be the cure for.
Things began well,with Rahul Dravid being as gracious and poised as ever as he accepted a lifetime achievement award. Given that the other lifetime award went to Dev Anand,Dravid must have left certain that people think his career has gone on for far,far too long. NDTV,fair warning: if Rahul takes that as a suggestion he retire,I am coming to get you personally.
Yet things went speedily downhill. In a manner typical of the inverted way in which news TV looks at things,the awards presenters are introduced after the awards winner. And for the cricket-related awards,the presenters were: Sunil Gavaskar and Rajeev Shukla; and Gavaskar and Arun Jaitley. These guys arent just pillars of the all-in-it-together politico-sporting establishment,theyre practically holding up the BCCIs crumbling edifice. So much for transformative.
It descended pretty rapidly into farce after that,as is inevitable once AnnaArvind is involved. Consider this: Barkha Dutt asks Arvind (whos sitting in majesty before a panorama of flag-wavers) whether he tapped into ordinary Indians,and how he did it. Arvind shushes her reprovingly,insisting he would rather just say a few words than answer her question. He then changes the subject completely in his few words,explaining how he tapped into ordinary Indians,who really deserve the award. Your brave independence from the promptings of news TV established,Arvind!
Meanwhile,Anna Hazare has taken a vow of silence,making an acceptance speech a trifle problematic. No worries,explains Dutt,shooting down our sudden burst of wild hope: we will talk to him in an innovative method,the sort only Anna Hazare could come up with. Telepathy? Meaningful flag-waving? Morse-code dieting? No! He will write his answers down. Dear lord,the old gents a genius. We are then treated to the most riveting TV moment of recent weeks,as the camera lingers on Hazare laboriously writing Thank you NDTV in a little notebook.
Just in case,NDTVs already taped an acceptance speech from earlier,in which Hazare thanks the channel with charming humility. Or at least you think its humility,until you notice hes standing in front of a painting of himself. Beg pardon,of him and the national flag,naturally.
What with NDTVs paeans to openness,transformation,the RTI and all that,I kept on waiting for the auditors to walk on stage,Oscars-style,and explain how the winners were calculated from a complex voting system that they oversaw. Oddly,that never happened. I wonder why? Perhaps they suspected anybody walking on stage would automatically get an award. And who would want to be pronounced Most Transformative Auditor Not Named Vinod Rai?
mihir.sharma@expressindia.com
