Manoj Bajpayee talked to himself, took sleeping pills while on verge of mental breakdown during Gali Guleiyan shoot: ‘My wife got worried’

Through this lens, we get a glimpse into Khuddoos’ past, marked by childhood trauma and abuse. His empathy is stirred when he witnesses Idu, a neighborhood youth, facing the wrath of his abusive father. In Idu, Khuddoos sees a reflection of his own troubled childhood and he sets out to protect the boy as if he were safeguarding his own younger self.

What makes Gali Guleiyan truly haunting and a difficult watch, even after six years of release, is Manoj’s portrayal of Khuddoos. Director Dipesh Jain doesn’t give him many lines, so he relies heavily on silence, which can be quite deafening for viewers. It isn’t an easy film to like too, especially for those who live alone in a new city. Manoj’s Khuddoos captures the loneliness often felt in an impersonal big city. His character also accentuates the importance of mental well-being. Whether you live in Old Delhi or in a high-rise sophisticated society, if your mind is caged by the devils of the past, you won’t find peace.

This is an unforgiving role. With only a few words to speak, Manoj had to delve deep into his character’s psyche, fully embodying him to convey his inner turmoil to the audience. While it may sound simple on paper, temporarily losing oneself and allowing a fictional character to consume your life isn’t easy. I’m certain that during filming, Manoj didn’t perceive Khuddoos as merely a fictional character. Khuddoos became a living, breathing entity for him. Khuddoos was him.

But this extreme internalisation cost Manoj his mental health. At one point during filming, he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In an interview with Raj Shamani, he recounted how he had to resort to heavy sleeping pills to cope with the overwhelming stress. He said, “I went so deep into it that I was hearing the sound of a whistle in my brain. On the 26th day of shooting, I told my director ‘help me,’ I am in problem. The doctor told him that these are signs of nervous breakdown. He gave me sleeping pills and I straight went to sleep. I slept for two days.”

In another interview, Manoj explained how he had no choice but to travel to the depth of this role to achieve the desired outcome. “It was the most difficult role to play. It was a role that broke me mentally.” He added, “I thought I’d lose my mind. But I had no other option. It was the path that was necessary to pull off that role. Gali Guleiyan had me in my most challenging role.”

To play a character that is isolated by his mind and losing his grip over reality, Manoj too had to separate himself mentally from the world. During the interview, he recalled how during the preparation for the role, he started talking to himself akin to his character. “One day, I was walking from my room to the kitchen and my wife crossed me. She asked, ‘What did you say?’ I said nothing. She said, ‘Boss you are talking to yourself quite a lot these days. Just be careful,” he said.

Speaking further about his process, Manoj said, “It meant I had to forget I was married and had familial responsibilities. I started talking to myself the way the character was shown doing. Such was my preparation for this role that my wife got worried.”

It’s anyway a challenge to pick an ordinary Manoj Bajpayee performance. Among a sea of memorable roles, Gali Guleiyan stands among the top three performances by the actor. Despite receiving praise at various international film festivals, Gali Guleiyan faced hurdles in securing a release in India due to limited interest from distributors. The film eventually got limited screens and largely went unnoticed. However, after the film’s OTT release and Manoj’s impassioned discussions about the project in interviews, the film began to gain audience interest.

Manoj has referred to Gali Guleiyan as his most ‘underrated’ film. Perhaps it’s time we recognise its true worth. You can watch it on Amazon Prime Video.