‘It wasn’t love, that’s for sure’: When Rekha opened up about arranged marriage to Mukesh Aggarwal and coping with his loss; challenges of such a union

When Simi asked if Rekha had only met him once before deciding to marry, Rekha confirmed, “True.” Simi pressed further, “So you actually married a stranger?” to which Rekha responded, “Essentially speaking.” When Simi remarked, “That’s a risk,” Rekha simply said, “Life is a risk.”

Curious about their unlikely pairing, Simi added, “I knew him. I still want to understand — how could two such different people come together?” Rekha replied, “Well, we’re not the first couple. That’s for sure.” When Simi probed, “But how?” Rekha had a one-word answer: “Destiny.”

Tragically, Mukesh Aggarwal’s untimely death left Rekha grappling with profound emotions. She recounted experiencing a spectrum of feelings — from initial shock to denial — struggling to comprehend the reality of his passing. “One went through the entire, I mean, the whole gamut of feelings. The initial shock, and then denial. ‘No, this can’t be really happening to me.’ And then you go on this self-pity trip, ‘what did I do wrong? I never meant to hurt anybody.’ Then trying to understand it.”

Over time, Rekha acknowledged that accepting the situation was a gradual process, emphasising that some circumstances are beyond one’s control. She noted, “One doesn’t deal with anything, it deals with you. You know, the incident deals with you. But if you allow it to deal with you negatively, so be it. But you always have the choice.”

So, what psychological challenges might individuals face when entering marriages with limited acquaintance?​

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, says, “When a relationship lacks an organic foundation, unrealistic expectations can set in. The gap between what was envisioned and what actually unfolds can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Compatibility isn’t just about shared interests but also about values, communication styles, and emotional availability. When these factors clash, it can result in loneliness within the marriage.”

She adds that adjusting to an unfamiliar partner, often in a new social and familial setting, may cause an individual to suppress their authentic self to fit into the new dynamic. If an individual feels unheard, unseen, or emotionally unsafe, they may develop stress responses such as anxiety, overcompensation, or emotional withdrawal.

How can someone cope with the sudden loss of a spouse?

Losing a partner unexpectedly, especially in a complex marriage dynamic, can evoke overwhelming emotions, including shock, denial, and self-pity. 

Khangarot suggests the following strategies:

Allow the Grieving Process to Unfold: Avoid rushing the healing process. Denying emotions can lead to prolonged distress.

Engage in Rituals of Closure: Writing letters to the deceased, engaging in commemorative acts, or seeking spiritual guidance can facilitate acceptance.

Reintegrate into Life at a Manageable Pace: Instead of withdrawing entirely, small steps toward normalcy — such as reconnecting with loved ones or engaging in meaningful activities — can help.

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